Divorce is like a death. Not only the death of a marriage and friendship, but death of the you that you thought you were. Sometimes it can be difficult to figure out where you fit in now that you're not you. You're no longer Mrs. Somebody, now you're just You. Where do you fit in to society now. How do you still relate to your married friends, or can you? How are you going to survive financially? All these questions serve to cause self doubt and insecurities.
Socially, financially and personally everything has changed and you feel unbalanced. You feel out of control, dizzy and frightened. You doubt yourself, you second guess everything you do. You no longer feel safe. You don't even trust yourself because nothing is what you thought it was.
Divorce brings with it many insecurities both real and imagined. You can overcome these insecurities with a few simple actions towards better self image and self esteem.
Positive Self Talk
Everyone has an inner voice that tells them nasty things, probably worse than actual people do. You're too fat, you're too tall, you're too dumb, or even too smart for _______ fill in the blank. Talk back to that voice and tell yourself positive things. I know it sounds silly but look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, I am beautiful, I am smart, and I deserve to be happy! Smile when you say it, mean it when you say it. Talk back to that negative inner voice, and do not allow negativity to win out on positive talk. Start a gratitude journal.
Take care of yourself.
I know that sounds so simple doesn't it? But you know that you are probably not taking the best care of yourself possible. Times are tight, you cannot afford a professional manicure, so what, give it to yourself, have a ladies night and invite other single and divorced girl friends over and do each others nails. Let the kids play in another room. Remember to eat right, exercise and get enough sleep. Above all, practice forgiveness not only to others but to yourself.
Put off important decisions.
You do not have to decide anything today. Put off important decisions and allow yourself extra time to think things through. Your mind may not be working as quickly as it was before you had the weight of a divorce on you. Give yourself time. Many counselors say that you should give yourself a good year before making any choices, even to get a new haircut because everything seems drastic during a divorce.
Ask for help.
This is very important. Your life has changed. You may be a single mom now, you might be struggling financially, mentally and physically with everything being thrown at you now. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Go to counseling, ask friends to help with your kids, trade babysitting so you can get some down time, do what you need to do. Find a friend that will allow you to vent your frustrations, sometimes a support group is good for this, on-line and off.
Following these steps can bring back peace in your life and improve your self esteem and make you feel secure again. Divorce is hard, it is difficult and it can be a nightmare but you can come through it a better more secure person if you make sure to do the work you need to do on yourself.
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