You feel numb, you feel like your world is literally turning and it will not stop, you feel off balance and out of control. You feel like the earth is spinning so fast that it is trying to spin you right off into space. You wish it would. Stop. You look at your home and realize that you may have to give it up. You hear your children laughing and wonder if they'll still laugh after they find out. You wonder if you'll ever laugh again. Will you ever truly be happy again? You lay in your bed and the lump in your throat will not go down. You cannot sleep because you don't want time to pass by too quickly leading you further into the unknown.
You walk through your life, going through the motions, barely, getting up, showering, going to work, if you have to. If you don't, you get up, skip the shower, go right for the freezer and try to eat ice cream for breakfast but the lump in your throat won't let it go down. Throw some cereal at the kids, half heartily get them off to school, maybe even drive them to school in your robe without brushing your hair. Then you come home and curl up on the sofa and try not to drown in your tears. Then when you cannot cry any longer, you just try to disappear. The phone rings, you ignore it.
Each breath you take feels like an effort. You wonder if you're having a heart attack. Do you need to be intubated? Will you live through this? How does anyone live through this? Your stomach feels like it has one hundred butterflies in it. You feel like someone else.
Your brain feels like it is in a fog. You are watching T.V. Or your child's performance in the school play and it's all the same. You cannot hear it, or see it, not clearly, and you cannot understand it. You feel like you're watching yourself go through the motions, like it is not really your life, but a motion picture.
You go outside and the sunshine shocks you, it should be raining. It should be storming. Your neighbor is checking her mail and says hi, but you don't see her, she's not going to be your neighbor for long anyway, what do you care.
You are in shock. Whether you asked for the divorce or your spouse did, the feelings are often the same and many times shock and disbelief are the first emotions you have when you realize you really are getting a divorce.
If you are in that space right now, there isn't much to be said other than this is normal and you will get through it. Just keep getting up every day, keep moving, keep breathing, and you will survive.
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
