Sometimes when you get a divorce it is hard to face reality. But the sooner you do that, the sooner you can move through your painful feelings and experience the full range of emotions associated with getting a Divorce.
It can be really hard to focus on what is happening. You may find yourself feeling as if you're in a daze walking around like a sort of ghost except your physical presence is there, but your mind is not there. When you are in public, with your friends, or your kids and you catch yourself doing this, try to bring yourself out of it by actively engaging in whatever it is you're doing or watching. It is crucial to focus on what is actually happening in your life at that very moment than focus on what could happen, what did happen, and spending time wishing that everything was different. Spend about 5 minutes a night before bed mediating on where you really are in your life at this very moment. Keep thoughts as positive as possible.
Do not allow yourself to slip into daydream mode. Daydream mode is when you spend a lot of time, either while awake, or while in your bed alone at night, dreaming about how things could be or were. This is wasted use of your energy. Instead start using that time to make concrete plans based on reality. Example: “Find an apartment within my budget” instead of fantasizing about winning the lotto or taking your ex to the cleaners in court to get everything. In reality that never happens, so make plans based on the true reality of your situation. Write down your plans, and start implementing them. Lists are a good way to tell if your dreams are realistic or impossible.
Enjoy today and appreciate what you have right now. Inventing fantasies about what you need to be happy can interfere with what you have right now. What you do have right now is probably really great. You may have your kids, or you may simply have something that is intangible but important to all human beings and that is freedom. The truth is, whether you're having a hard time or not, you are alive. You are breathing in and out every day, and that in itself is wonderful. As long as you do that, and put one food in front of the other you will come through a bad time better for it. Write down in a note book three things each morning that you're grateful for. Do the same in the evening prior to meditation and bed.
Accept the reality of who you are and what you have right now today. No matter your situation there is always something great in that reality. But if you focus only on a fantasy outcome you'll never move forward in the wonderful life you already have.
Exercises:
- Write down three good things about your life in the morning, and three good things at night.
- Meditate for five minutes each night once you're in bed about where you are right now in your life.
- Be in the moment and focus on the positive.
- Make a list of the things you need to do or accomplish based on reality
