Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

Today with most states having so called “no fault” divorce laws you may not be able to assign fault in your divorce action. However, even in states with no fault divorce there may be a way to assign some fault in certain circumstances such as infidelity or abuse. Often times if fault is proved it can affect alimony awards or property division, depending upon the grounds, it might even determine who gets custody of the children.

Do not assume that your reasons constitute “grounds” in a legal sense. What is unacceptable to you may not be something you can address in the court setting. Even if you have proof of an affair this may not help you in terms of getting sole custody of the children, but it might help you with getting an alimony award. The important thing is to ask your attorney and trust her to know what is a normal situation where you reside.

Divorce court is full of uncertainty. No one can be sure of getting a fair deal in court, no matter how obvious your case may seem to be to you. Even if you have grounds, the court may not care to hear them. Without proof of something extraordinary in most situations the court may just give you a standard judgment no matter what. Your attorney should know what types of settlement your particular judge usually hands out. As you go forward with your case, you should keep that in mind when discussing settlements with your ex.

If you and your ex essentially get along, in spite of everything, consider using mediation instead of the adversarial court system to settle your divorce case. Collaborative Divorce can really work well for people who are divorcing but have decided to be cooperative to save money or to show a united front to the children.

If you and your ex cannot get along at all, skip collaborative divorce and mediators if you can and go right to the judge. More than likely you'll both be really unhappy with what the judge decides but it will end up being less of a waste of time and resources if you just acknowledge that you cannot get along, and you cannot come to a decision that is mutually beneficial. You just cannot work with some people, and that is, unfortunately, life.

No matter what your grounds are, chances are, your settlement will look about the same as everyone else's does, with standard visitation and guide lined child support and unless you are upper middle class, no alimony. You'll probably have to sell the house, downsize, and both get jobs.

This is the reality of no fault divorce in this day and age. Better to try to put aside your differences and work together towards a settlement that you can both live with.