Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

Most people do not realize but divorce laws vary state by state, and enforcement of these laws varies not just county by county but judge by judge. When you take your divorce in front of a judge, you are literally leaving your life in the hands of a stranger. Your judge is not going to get to know your case the way you know your case, and he or she will simply see it as a case. Not as your life.

Before going forward with litigious actions against your ex make sure you are made fully aware of the typical awards given by your judge. What you find out may make the difference between settlement and deciding to keep fighting. While what the laws as written means something, judges do not have to follow them to the letter, in divorce and family court, these are just guidelines. Judges have the discretion to go outside of these guidelines at will within the family court system.

The system is not fair. The system will not take care of you and look out for your best interests. Only you can do that. Remember that lawyers are business people who are trying to earn a living, they are not in a hurry to settle your case. The lawyer is not there to protect you, they are officers of the court and therefore their job is to try to present their case and allow the judge to make a choice based on his knowledge of your case and the law.

Good guys do not always win, that is a lifetime movie. Sometimes in court, the bad guy wins. Sometimes you can have the best case, and it seems obvious the outcome, but the judge doesn't see what you see, doesn't know what you know, and will not always get it the way you do. Judges can make bad decisions based on not having all the information.

Sometimes within the court system it is difficult to demonstrate all the information that will enable a judge to make the right decision. Do not count on being able to get your entire story out. Sometimes time limits will prevent your story from being presented in full. Yet the judge will make a decision anyway. Many times, the wrong one.

Your divorce is truly all in your own hands, not the court, and if you can act instead of react oftentimes you and your spouse can come to a mutually beneficial agreement without the help of lawyers. Remember that most divorces settle out of court anyway, so if you believe that you and your spouse can come to an agreement that is fair, do it. You can be sure that what two reasonable people come up with for their own family will be better than whatever a stranger can come up with.