As a military spouse you are asked to do many things: understand the needs of the military and how they always come before those of your family, deal with deployments with nary a negative comment, uproot your family every few years. One thing you’ll also need to learn to do is to get along with people from all types of backgrounds. Now, of course you can learn to “tolerate” people you don’t necessarily like, but, as a military spouse, you’re going to need friends, not just people you can barely stand to be around. And, chances are, you aren’t going to find very many people that are your “ideal” matches. What happens then?

Sometimes you’re just dealing with relatively minor differences: differences in musical taste, or TV shows, or food. You just avoid listening to music when you’re in the car heading to the store. Or, you rent a movie the two of you can both enjoy instead of watching that new episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” you’ve been dying to catch. Or, you potluck it instead of preparing your prized ox tail stew. These differences aren’t hard to work around and you can still enjoy each other’s company despite them.

Other times, though, it’s not so simple. You might have political difference of opinion, you might come from two vastly different social classes, you might have kids while the other person does not. Does this mean you can’t have a great friendship with this person? Of course not! Part of being a military spouse is learning to deal with change and difficult situations. Part of being able to do that is having a solid support system. You can’t isolate those that are around you going through the same thing. You’ll find yourself all alone, feeling as though you’re being crushed under the weight of life.

So what do you do? You learn to realize that differences can enhance a friendship. Each person can bring a unique perspective to life as a military spouse. They can provide you with a way to look at things you may have never thought of before. They can introduce you to ways to cope that you never would have found. You also might learn that having a respectful debate from time to time is fun. Friendship is about give and take. Each person involved must be willing to give 100% of themselves, but also be willing to respect the differences of the other person. Doing so can lead to a lasting, meaningful friendship that will follow you for years to come.

You won’t always be friends with everyone you encounter. In fact, you shouldn’t be! But, to make this journey a bit more bearable, it’s always a good idea to find those few good women that you know have your back. They’re the ones that will run to the store to get popsicles for you when you’re sick, they’ll watch your kids for you, they’ll be there when you need a shoulder that nobody else is willing to offer.