Guest Author - Stephanie L Watson

While there is no possible way to keep the children from getting upset about the events, you can tone down the negativity by following these tips:

1. Be a united front

If at all possible you should be a united front for the children. Tell them together that you are divorcing, but that you will both always be there for them, just like before only you will reside at different addresses.

2. Explain to the children about visitation

Make sure that the children know what is going to happen in terms of visitation, parenting time, schedules and that sort of thing. Let them give their own ideas and input about this, especially if they are older. Make sure they understand that you value their opinion but at the same time let them know that for the most part, spending time with parents, while it can be flexible, it is non negotiable.

3. Stop fighting

Honestly if you're going to get a divorce what is the point of continuing fighting. It is not divorce that keeps children from having good relationships as adults, it is the continued acrimony after divorce that causes most of the issues. Disagreements are going to happen, so I am not saying never disagree with your ex. I am saying, your children are watching you, teach them by your example how to negotiate and compromise.


4. Don't badmouth the other parent

This should go without saying. Don't badmouth the other parent, not even in jest. If your child starts using you as a best friend to complain about the other parent's rules, set them straight. You are their parent, not their friend and you should back up the other parent. If you have to implement a "your house, your rules" plan.

5. Let go of bad feelings

While at first you will be faking your way through for the sake of the kids, you can work on letting go of your bad feelings by going to counseling, or keeping a journal. Work through your bad feelings with a friend, or a group, or alone, but not with the children. If you feel that you and the children are having too hard a time getting through this definitely seek out counseling together with their other parent, and on an individual basis.