When I was a teenager, my friends and I often parroted much of the popular culture of the day. One particular saying that we repeated over and over was that we should never ´ASSUME´ because assuming makes an ´ASS´ out of ´U´ and ´ME.´
Clever, hmmm? My teenage self certainly thought so!
A few years later, my mother noted that the word ´assume´ had crept back into my vocabulary. "I thought assuming made an ass out of you and me," she said with a smile one day. "Since when did you start assuming again?"
When I was in college, I told her. I can´t speak for other college curriculums but engineering courses use assumptions to teach higher mathematics and scientific theories. Raising my hand to instruct the professor that he was making an ass out of all of us seemed like a bad idea at the time. Besides, as I quickly learned during college, making an assumption, then proving or disproving that assumption through observation and analysis, is a valid part of the engineering process.
After graduating from college, I noticed there were a lot of assumptions floating around the real world of adulthood, too, but no levelheaded scientists, mathematicians, or engineers working to prove or disprove those assumptions. And that´s the real problem with assumptions - that too often no one questions or tests them to see if they can be proven or disproved.
Of course, the assumption I´m thinking of for this article is the assumption that all women want to be mothers. And taking that assumption a step further, as so many assumers do, that any woman who states that she doesn´t want kids must have a screw loose somewhere.
When we look at these assumptions closely, however, we find out just how easy they are to disprove by simple observation and analysis. Talk to any random group of women, and you´ll find that 16% to 20% of them will never be mothers. When you speak to them in depth, you´ll find a wide range of carefully thought-out reasons for their choice. What I´ve learned from talking to childfree women is that there is nothing wrong with them nor is there anything missing from their lives. Skipping childrearing has simply given them more time and opportunity to enjoy their already satisfying, fulfilling lives without the disruption that adding children can bring.
So the next time someone asks you, "You have children, don´t you?" in a voice that dares you to disagree with her assumption, look her straight in the eye and let her know she´s made a mistake by assuming that all women are mothers. By being yourself and firmly, but politely, stating your decision not to become a parent, you help dispel the assumption that only weird women don´t want to have kids.
This content was written by a Previous BellaOnline Editor who has asked to remain anonymous at this point. She has given us permission to use her content on the site but requests her privacy and cannot be contacted.
