When you and your spouse divorce oftentimes there is a huge concern about how the children will go to college now. How will you afford it alone? How will this adult problem not affect your children's dreams?

It is not the parent's responsibility to pay for all of college.

I know that is a bold statement, one that may garner me some hate mail. Children who are responsible for part of their own educational costs beyond high school will learn a lot about responsibility and they will appreciate their college experience more.

I am not suggesting that your student be required to pay 100 percent of their educational costs or that they rack up burdensome student loan debt. What I am suggesting is that it is more important that you give your child self sufficient elderly parents than pay for all their education. The old rules apply. Pay yourself first. If you have money left over to save for college after you maximize your retirement savings, then do so. If not, do not lose sleep over it.

State School are perfectly adequate and inexpensive schools.

Many parents will work frantically trying to get their child into a prestigious private college when a state school will work just fine for their student's goals. A good rule to have is that you will help with the costs of a state school, if your student has ambitions to go to a private school they will have to earn a scholarship and other wise earn the cost over what you agreed to pay for the state school.


Don't over look private schools.

I know that contradicts what I just said, but not really. Many private schools give more money in scholarships to help the less fortunate in order to add diversity to their population. If your student has the grades and the resume, go ahead, apply. Explain to your student that getting in is only half the problem. If the school does not offer your student enough funds that allows them to attend, don't give up yet. Contact the financial aid department and let them know that if you cannot get X amount of dollars, then your student absolutely cannot attend. You might be surprised at the results.


Start Early

Discuss college with your student from an early age. Discuss your budget, discuss what you expect from your student and make sure that your child is on board with you so that there are no misunderstandings at the last minute. Also, starting early applies to researching colleges. I suggest starting the summer after 8th grade looking at college websites to find out what their requirements for acceptance are. Pick the school with the toughest admissions requirements and have your student design their courses and activities around that school. It's okay if your student misses the mark, but at least you have a goal and aren't going through high school on a dream and a prayer.

Involve the other parent.

Hopefully your divorce papers addressed college. I believe a great item to put in the divorce papers is that each parent will pay for 1/3 of the tuition and books of a state university or college provided the student earns mostly A's and B's in high school and college. This way you put some of the burden on the child as well as both parents.

Many states have their own guidelines and laws, some even force the non-custodial parent to pay full tuition costs at state university. Remember if this is your situation there is much more to the costs than tuition so if you put the responsibility of the other on the child it may work out. Take a look at the entire bill, don't just pay the amount due, look at what is tuition costs. There are other costs such as fees, enrollment, lab fees, technology fees, and more.

Regardless of what the state guidelines are, if you and the other parent can agree, you can put whatever wording in the divorce paperwork that is right for your family. Don't take something or give something just because others are doing it. Do what is best for your family and your children. Teaching children to have some responsibility over their own education is one of the most important things you will ever do as a parent.