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April 20 2009 Quotations Newsletter



Greetings to you Dear Reader! I hope you're having a fine Monday.

Here’s this week’s Official BellaOnline Knock-Knock Monday #5 for your reading pleasure. At the Quotations website this week I share with you a few jokes and I tell you about an unusual self-help website that really gets to the point. So come on by and check it out!

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art43532.asp

And check out our community forum that's all about Quotations:

http://forums.bellaonline.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=383

Have fun passing this message along to family and friends because we all love free knowledge and we adore quotes! Now, here's this week's corny joke for your enjoyment:

Shopping for a Husband

A store selling new husbands just opened where you can go to choose a husband from among many men. The store has six floors and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

But there is a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor you cannot go back down except to leave the building. And so one day a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?"

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely handsome.

"Much better," she comments, "but I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.

"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

"Wow!" she exclaims with delight. "But I wonder what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 26,875,953,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Have a nice day.

And YOU have a great week! Thanks for subscribing to our Quotations Newsletter!

Paula Grant-LeClaire, Quotations Editor
http://quotations.bellaonline.com
One of hundreds of sites at BellaOnline.com!


Quotes for the week:

Monday -

"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children." ~ Native American Proverb


Tuesday -

"The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes, well naturally no one wants to live any other way." ~ Judith Martin


Wednesday -

"If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns!" ~ Allison Gappa-Bottke


Thursday -

"Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines." ~ Jason Hutchison


Friday -

"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success." ~ Robert Orben


Saturday -

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." ~ Bill Watterson [calvin and hobbes]


Sunday -

"Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen." ~ Douglas Adams [Mostly Harmless]

AND -

"Dear Lord, please protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Thank You. Amen." ~ Douglas Adams [Mostly Harmless]




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