Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Birthdays are good for you:
the more you have the longer you live.

I have noticed that the people who are late
are often so much jollier than the people
who have to wait for them.

If ignorance is bliss,
why aren't more people happy?

Most of us go to our grave with our music
still inside of us.

You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because its over;
smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons:

some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors,
but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

Everything should be made as simple as possible,
but no simpler.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy
the scenery on a detour.

Happiness comes through doors
you didn't even know you left open.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.

Never take life too seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.

One good turn gets all of the blankets.

There are two kinds of pedestrians;
The quick and the dead.

An unbreakable toy is useful for
breaking other toys.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

When weeding your garden,
the best way to make sure you are removing a weed
and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.

If it comes out of the ground easily,
it's a valuable plant.

Tell a man there are 400 billion stars,
and he'll believe you.

Tell him a bench has wet paint,
and he has to touch it.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

A day without sunshine
is like night.

On the other hand...
you have different fingers.

42.7 percent of all statistics
are made up on the spot.

Remember...
Half of the people you know
are below average.

He who laughs last
thinks slowest.

Depression is merely
anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar but weasels
don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird gets the worm but
the SECOND mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to
worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever
so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist,
they don't expect to get it back.

Support bacteria,
they're the only culture some people have.

When everything's coming your way,
it means you're in the wrong lane
going the wrong way.

Experience is something
you don't get until
just after you need it.

Never do card tricks for
the group you play poker with.

No one is listening until
you make a mistake.

You never really learn to swear
until you learn to drive.

The problem with the gene pool is
there's no lifeguard.

A clear conscience is usually
the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable,
except from a vending machine.

Get a new car for your spouse...
it'll be a great trade.

Always try to be modest
and be proud of it.

Love may be blind but
marriage is a real eye opener.

If at first you don't succeed,
then skydiving isn't for you.

~~ Author Unknown ~~