Dealing With Bereavement
The sudden loss of a loved one can be devastating and take a long time to come to terms with. I read on a Tim Lawrence website, words from his friend Megan Devine; ‘Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried’. I think that is so true.
We don’t want to get over and forget, we want to remember and carry the memory, and the feelings of sadness and loss that we feel for that person. We also want to carry the joyful times and the shared experiences we had. When we numb ourselves and don’t allow our-self to fully experience how we are feeling we create an imbalance within which can stop us from healing.
When we fully engage in the experience, and all the emotions and pain that it brings up we are able to free ourselves from future pain and suffering; because we dealt with it as it was happening.
Easy to say, because when we lose someone we love we don’t want to accept it, we naturally want to resist the whole experience and not believe that it has happened. However, a big part of being able to move forward is acceptance of what has happened. There is nothing that can be done to undo the loss, and as difficult as it is; finding acceptance will help to set you free from long term suffering.
Another big part of loss is the regrets that people feel. Wishing they had spent more time with the person, or that they told them they loved them more often, or a myriad of other regrets that come up. Being grateful for the times you did have, and the moments you shared can help to stop the regrets.
Be kind to yourself, do not blame yourself and let others be there for you during the difficult stages. No, you will never forget them, and no they will never be with you again in your physical space, and no your life will not be the same as it was. Coming to term’s with all the changes that have been forced upon you can take time. It won’t happen overnight, but eventually it will feel different.
While you can, love the people around you, and treat everyone as if it could be the last time you see them. This helps to allay regrets; as you know that you gave your all and you fully embraced your time with them in every opportunity.
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