Sometimes being single and living alone can feel like a negative rather than a positive choice. It can feel isolating when coming home to an empty house. Or, the lack of intimacy in a life without a relationship may seem like the worse part of living by yourself. This kind of listing can go on endlessly.
The frustration of finding alternatives to companionship can cloud your focus on personal fulfillment and leave you feeling lonesome. And, it doesn’t matter which aspect seems negative, loneliness matters as much as other issues and should not be ignored. So, when being alone starts to feel like something less than a positive choice - it is time to find good healthy reasons why being single can be a stabilizing and harmonious experience.
I find that when I’m feeling pessimistic about something in my life it is usually because of fear. While many people are not afraid of being alone, fear can creep up on you when least expected. It may appear because you had a bad day at the office, car problems, or exchanged angry words with a friend. Things that may be unrelated to your status as a single person can magnify any negatives you unconsciously feel about living alone. Trepidation can get out of control if left unchecked. And before you know it, you may find yourself in a panic about your life.
Focus on personal fulfillment:
Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is single again after her long-term relationship just ended. She has teenaged children and is on a very limited budget. She mentioned that she wanted to take better care of herself but could not afford going to her local gym. As we spoke, she was getting more depressed about being unable to achieve her goal without having lots of money and not having a partner to lean on.
I noticed that she had a nice television and a DVD player. Moreover, she lived near a public library. She said she could not afford a gym membership and eventually confessed that she would feel uneasy in a spa-like environment. That’s when I realized that she was turning a potentially good situation – good health, desire to go forward – into a negative because of her fear of not having the right ‘’tools’’ for success.
I suggested that we go to the library and look for some exercise DVD’s to rent. Then we bought two 1.5 liter bottles of water at the corner store. After putting the water in another container, we headed off to a nearby park and filled the empty water bottles with sand. And with a bit of safety alterations for the homemade weights, she was now set to start on her goal of exercise and self-improvement.
The time had passed with no mention of feeling depressed or lonely and she was now excited about putting together her new, affordable, workout schedule.
Many women value independence rather than interdependence. It is important to look for alternatives that empower us and not let fear take hold. You don’t have to have lots of money or a relationship in order to make your life fulfilling and harmonious. Many times, everything you need is right within your reach.