“What Michelle (a motherless mother) really wanted was someone who would recognize what she needed and take the initiative to provide it. Better yet, she wanted someone who would intuitively know what she needed, and automatically know how to fill those needs, without having to be asked.

This is the extended fantasy of the motherless child, yearning for the person who can magically heal, fix, and realign, who acts out of a form of identification and empathy rather than from generosity or duty”.... excerpt from Hope Edelman’s “Motherless Mothers.”

This is one example of why, even though my mom is alive and well, I had so many snippets of clarity and human connectedness while reading Motherless Mothers. I found a common thread throughout this book, that I wouldn’t doubt touches most mothers, in the way we act, or escalate emotions in some circumstances, instead of dealing with the situation at hand from a place of calm reasoning.

Motherless Mothers is a good navigational tool for any mom trying to reason her way through the emotional minefield left behind from previous life experiences or trauma, family dysfunction, and stuffed emotions.

Becoming motherless in her teens is the thread that defines the fears, personality, and deficits of Hope and other motherless mothers. But, this is also a good guidebook for anyone feeling inferior as a mom, or struggling with emotions that mothering has brought to light. While reading how the deep sense of aloneness and prideful self-sufficiency of a motherless mother can cause inappropriate actions in the present, I found it easy to connect the dots to the buried emotions causing me to react in similar ways.

Years ago, I lost two teen brothers, tragically, in separate highway accidents. It was reassuring to learn that my parenting style of quick and intense reactions to perceived, or potential danger involving my children is common among mothers who have experienced loss of a loved one.

This book is organized and chaptered beginning before the birth of a child, followed next by a chapter on pregnancy. Did you know that pregnant women have what is equivalent to a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder with symptoms of depression, anxiety, magical thinking and paranoia? Great. Through life phases of attachment, adjusting to a first baby, and a chapter on each growth phase from toddlers, to teenage years, this an easy reference book as the years and emotional circumstances arise.

Through a mountain of research, surveys, and personal interviews, Hope again used the formula that worked so amazingly well in her highly acclaimed “Motherless Daughters.” In motherless daughters Edelman compared how mother loss affected daughters differently depending on their ages, their relationships with their mothers, their father's attitude and ability to parent, and the support or dependency of siblings. Once again, this formula achieved great results.

Both of Hope's books explore what motherless women share, and examines the void in their lives they cannot seem to fill. Some of the common threads for motherless mothers are: a concern about not knowing how to be a mother, a preoccupation with the possibility of dying, being an overprotective parent, and difficulty in allowing a child to feel unhappy. Through common experiences and illuminating insights Motherless Mothers helps us better understand how this painful loss (as well as all loss and deep suffering) shapes lives forever.