As I sit here at 5 a.m. with my one year old daughter curled up sleeping like a kitten around my lap, I think back to how much has changed since she was born.

Jeff and I chose to leave the city and move out to the country to raise her so we could keep her environment as natural and safe as possible. We had great intentions of:

• having a home-birth with midwives and no medications whatsoever
• breastfeeding her with ease
• being ‘attached’ parents (which I still don’t quite understand what that means)
• giving her only organic foods that we would primarily grow ourselves
• being a full-time stay-at-home Mom who would only work while she slept
• using only using cloth diapers
• living simply and teaching her to value creativity, love, faith, her spirit…not the things of this world
• Unschooling her so that she would find her true calling without the taint of traditional education
• treating all of her colds, flus, teething and any other problems naturally and homoeopathically and not taking her to a traditional doctor if we could help it (not even for vaccinations)
• going solar and wind powered and reducing our carbon footprint so that she would have a clean, healthy world to live in when she grew up

Overall I think we have done pretty well. We do live simply in some ways. There isn’t a day that we don’t praise Emma for her creativity, her smile, her love, her being herself. We still plan on Unschooling her as long as we can. Jeff already has dreams of taking her golfing so they can experience learning through nature, math (yards to the hole and number of strokes), the environment, and history as she hears stories about the great golfers!

And, we have not immunized her, she has fought two colds, teething bouts and bumps and bruises completely naturally. And FYI, I actually had a scare last night with Eucalyptus oil on her feet, but that was my mistake and taught me a valuable lesson that natural treatments when used improperly can be as dangerous as conventional medicines.

HOWEVER, I can’t help but look at the goals we set and sit here amazed at how everything played out. We certainly got a wake up call this past year!

Although we had a home-birth and used midwives, the week before Emma was born, I did spend a day in the hospital receiving an IV antibiotic as the OBGYN tried to induce using various techniques and drugs. Earlier that morning, my water broke due to some complications so, I had to be taken to the hospital. The OBGYN convinced us this was our only option but after eight hours of nothing happening, Jeff and I re-evaluated (thank God for Life Coach Hubby as he is always keeping us on course!). We believed and felt Emma was ok, so after some discussion with the midwives, we checked ourselves out of the hospital (with the midwives blessing). I am so thankful that Emma chose to not come out that day and waited another week to be born at home (without any further medications – not even an epidural) however, thinking back it was a bit scary and surreal.

And, the whole breastfeeding goal – ha! That went out the window almost immediately. Emma couldn’t latch so Jeff wound up feeding her through a tube-based system while I spent my every waking moment pumping. I cried myself to sleep every night. It was awful. Thankfully, I set a goal of three months before I could give up and put her on formula. Within a month, thanks to working with a Lactation Consultant, Cranio Sacral treatments, and Reiki, Emma was able to latch properly. We finally connected and found the most amazing bond as mother and daughter. She is still breastfeeding (at just over 12 months) and I hope to continue as long as she needs to.

Then there was the whole working while Emma slept idea. At first Emma thought day was night and night was day. That resulted in either no sleep for me, or Jeff and I taking shifts and not having any face-to-face time to work together. Since we are business partners it took its toll on our business.

Over the last few months Emma has found her groove and is sleeping much better. The biggest challenge became how do we network and go to meetings or conduct training/workshops during the day while she’s home. We found a local home-based day care that would take her a few hours a week but that meant a) putting Emma in disposable diapers and b) putting her in a non-organic household as I couldn’t find any eco-day care anywhere in a one-hour radius. We found out about chlorine free diapers and use those for her when she is there. We also tried making food for Emma to eat while there, but she wants what the other kids are having; nitrate-laden pepperoni pizzas and red food dye ?!?.

It was a very hard struggle for me, but once I let go a bit about the non-eco environment, I realized Emma is getting something so valuable that I can’t give her – social skills. She is a whole different child – she seems more independent, more playful, more curious, more confident. Being around other kids has been so great for her. Before day care, I would take her to play days and host play days, but this has had a huge impact on her natural growth. She is blossoming!

Don’t forget going solar and wind powered. That was probably the most logistically frustrating piece of all. First, we honestly can’t afford it. We moved out to the country with the assumption we would take our contracts and income with us, however, our lifestyle as stay-at-home parents and the whole working while Emma slept concept didn’t manifest right away…so, since we don’t have $40,000 lying around we found a great alternative. Bullfrog Power is a Canadian-based company that sells completely green power. It costs a little more each month and we aren’t using their power technically, but they generate using water, wind and solar and they are pumping back power right into the grid, so for every kilowatt we use, they put it back in. It’s not the perfect solution, but we are getting closer to a zero carbon footprint. And, as a bonus, since we work from home, our business is now completely powered using sustainable energy sources.

So, I’m learning it’s a balancing act. I can do my best to keep her eating well at home and keep our home environment as natural as possible but I have to accept that there will always be friends and family memebers who don’t get the fact that dollar store toys have Phlatates, or that McDonalds may not be the most nutritious for her (even though they have apple slices in the Happy Meals now), or kids birthday parties with artificially flavoured and coloured candies and frostings. I am learning too that in everything we do we have a choice. There is no right or wrong, we just have to do the best we can. And we can’t hold anyone else accountable to our standards.

Looking back I ironically have my Mom to thank for all of this. I remember her yelling at me about 10 months ago about how no one said I have to raise a daughter and save the world while cleaning up the litter on my street, organizing a Zero Waste workshop, and helping the homeless at the same time. I think I was literally trying to do all of those at once! I remember getting really angry and defensive and then realizing that she was right, I can’t do it all. But I can be the best Mom and I can be and make a difference in the world when, where, and however I can.

So, with that said… I hope that all of you continue to set realistic goals, find your balance and live your most natural life – the one that works best for you!