Starring – Aldo Ray, Meeno Peluce, Tamara Taylor, Barbara Monker, Crackers Phinn and Linnea Quigley.
Region 0, Dark Sky Films
Released 25th April 2006
Twelve thousand years ago, Tra and Gar, two prehistoric cultists who have the secret of eternal youth, are discovered to be abusing this knowledge by eating their fellow cultists. They are cursed to forever age, regardless of how many people they munch, until a special day falls where they can break the curse by sacrificing a virgin of their own descent!
Flash forward to the present day and Gar becomes Mark, who marries Linnea Quigley (who doesn’t get a character name, only ‘Bondie’s Mother) who in turn gives birth to Bondie; destined to become the virginal sacrifice that Mark needs to break his and his sister’s curse. Bondie runs away from home due to her parents arguing and is drawn to the park where Tra and some other runaways await.
As is proudly proclaimed on the DVD cover, this is one of the UK’s 39 Video Nasties, banned for being depraved and corrupt back in the 80s. Viewing today, some 25 years after its original release, Don’t Go Near the Park is tame compared to some modern day horror, with only a scattering of gory moments and some brief nudity. The good thing is how different it is to the usual banned fare that the DPP’s list included.
For a start it contains supernatural, cannibalistic and living dead elements, making the plot a little more complicated than is normally found in low budget horror. Then there are the actors and actresses. Most notable for being the official movie debut of scream-queen Linnea Quigley (who is on-screen for less than five minutes before she gets a shower scene), it also features a great performance by the child actor Meeno Peluce. Plus, the actor who plays Mark uses one of the best pseudonyms in movie history, preferring ‘Crackers Phinn’ over his real name!
Considering that director Lawrence D. Foldes was only 19 (as was Linnea Quigley) when he made this movie, it was a very ambitious project, which bought together a variety of talent behind the scenes including Art Director Robert Burns, who was also responsible for Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In all honesty, Don’t Go Near the Park is not a particularly enjoyable movie, it’s occasionally difficult to follow, has a few to many scenes where nobody does anything and the acting is hammy to say the least.
One of my favourite moments of inexplicable plotting is near the start when Mark follows Linnea home, breaks into her house, bursts in on her at the end of her shower scene and instead of Linnea calling the police/throwing him out/running away, she agrees to rent him a room! It certainly convinced me! But, seeing as it is one of the rarer entries into early 80s low budget horror, plus its notoriety for being banned in the UK, it’s worth a watch.
The Disc
What turns Don’t Go Near the Park into a ‘must buy’ is the excellent collection of extras that Dark Sky have assembled. A TV spot, some trailers and a photo gallery are all present and correct, plus a ‘Grue’ sequence showing some of the unused workprint gore shots. But the real gold is to be found in the commentary and the extended and deleted scenes.
Although the movie is presented in its uncut US theatrical version, some footage had been rescued from a newly found 35mm print (the whole movie was shot on 35mm to save on costs) and they are fascinating to watch. In amongst these are extended gore shots, more naked Linnea and various longer plot sequences, which had they been in the original print would have made the movie even more notorious! After watching the film and being a little surprised at the shyness of the camera in some scenes (knowing the genre), everything I expected to see turned up here!
Although these scenes where not actually ‘censored’ in the true sense of the word, they are exactly what a censor would have chosen to chop out given half the chance. Although no explanations are offered as to why the sequences didn’t end up in the movie, in the commentary, the director himself recalls one particular shot and exclaims his surprise when it doesn’t turn up. So presumably further editing was done without his input.
This brings us neatly to the commentary itself. Featuring Lawrence D. Forbes and Linnea Quigley, with prompting by a Dark Sky representative (something I quite like, as it keeps it all on track), it is without a doubt one of the best tracks I have heard. Forbes recalls a massive amount about his directional debut and constantly entertains with fun anecdotes and stories about what working with the crew and actors was like.
Linnea herself, although only featured in the initial third of the film, is charming and makes a pleasant accomplice to Forbes and his relentless flow of information. This is the first time I have enjoyed a movie more with the commentary track playing that without; it really is that good!
Conclusion
Don’t Go Near the Park is a cult horror picture that is suitably different to the majority of the other horrors being made at the time, plus a distinct rarity. This release is backed up with a brilliant commentary and a fascinating collection of extended/deleted scenes, all of which come together to make this an essential purchase for horror fans.
