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New Year Reflections

So we’re coming to the end of 2008. This now, is the time to look back on the year that was, and garner some wisdom from the woes and pitfalls that befell us. It’s the time to not only reflect on all those preceding frames of your life but to look forward into that great ‘undiscovered country’ – the future – and with lessons learned, stride more steadily and more focussed onto the shadows of our chosen footfalls on a path to an uncertain end.

But first to reflect: How was your 2008? Mine, in spite of all else, was a good year. This I cannot refute. Through the ever-present pain and murky viscous grief, a lifeline was thrown my way. In fact, very early in 2008 (January no less!) I discovered that Barbara was pregnant and we were to be blessed with another child. I remember the moment so well. I was sitting at my desk when Barbara came in holding the pregnancy test we had bought earlier that day. “We’re going to have a baby,” Barbara said through openly astonished eyes. I just looked up at her, then a quick glance at the two blue lines, before giving her a loving hug. I wasn’t prepared to hear that news. I did not expect it. We both were excited and bitterly sorrowful in the same moment. We walked into Craig’s long-empty room and told him that he was to have a new baby brother or sister – like he’d always wanted. This was such an emotional moment for us both.

The year was pretty much marked by all things baby from that point. On September 24th, in the early hours of the morning, our beautiful little baby Dean was born and a new chapter in our life had begun. Little Dean brought with him a joy that I’d long given up on. His beautiful blue eyes, soft pudgy cheeks and gorgeous dimples can only ever bring a smile to my face and the promise of hope. Yes, 2008, for this reason alone, was a good year. Nothing else can detract from it.

But what of 2009? Well, all I really pray for is good health for my family. That might sound almost morbid in its pessimistic undertones, but my soul has been terrified to its core with the loss of my beautiful Craig. My innocence and naivety was buried on November 2nd 2006 with Craig, leaving me to be reborn into a world filled with harm, injustice and sorrow. So for 2009 I ask for good health and maybe a little peace in my life. If I can have that, I’m doing fine.

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