You can probably tell by the title that I go back quite a way. I remember listening to a song with this title before I had any idea what a “Cheatin’ Heart” really is. However, when I grew up, I learned quickly what it is..

So, let’s examine the “Cheatin’ Heart”. First, I’m not exactly certain how often the heart is actually involved in the cheating of a spouse. I’d be more inclined to say it happens more often with women, because we tend to have more difficulty separating our emotions from our actions. But what I’m going to write about today is when the cheating spouse is the husband.

Most of the cheating spouses who have been in the news lately have been men. Some marriages have remained in tact, while other couples have divorced and gone on to lead new lives. And since lately on television all I seem to be hearing is the question of “What would you do if your spouse cheated on you?” I won’t ask the question again. I’m just going to share my opinion.

As a woman who is also a Christian, I know I’m supposed to say that the injured spouse should forgive the indiscretion and do everything possible to save their marriage. I know that is easier said than done, and forgiveness of that kind definitely needs the help of a higher power.

I am far more inclined to say a wife would be far better to save a lot of emotional pain by taking a look at her marriage while she feels things are going well. Whether still in the throws of wedded bliss, or if the honeymoon is over, it never hurts to begin affair-proofing your relationship.

I recently read a book “You Can’t Have Him He’s Mine,” by Marie H. Browne with Marlene M. Browne. This mother daughter duo looks at the big picture from two very interesting perspectives that of a marriage and family therapist (Marie) and that of an attorney practicing family law (Marlene). And from what they write their goal isn’t to gain more business in their practices, rather less.

Since this article isn’t a book review, I won’t go into the details of this great book, but I will paraphrase my own opinions on some of what you will find between the covers if you read it.

First, you need to look at the competition. What makes them tick? This is important because there are very different reasons why some women enter into relationships with married men. Another question, what do they have to offer that you might not? I doubt very much a husband is turning to them for their culinary skills. So, why would he be with them? My answer to that is that it depends on whether he is having an emotional or physical affair. Both can be equally dangerous to your marriage.

Next you need to keep your man on a tighter lease, while at the same time not letting him know he’s even wearing a collar. Subtly is the word. If you have been spending more and more time apart and suddenly you demand all his attention he may begin to feel you don’t trust him. You wouldn’t want to have him think that, would you? Especially if he hasn’t done anything to justify such feelings – yet.

Honesty and communication are two other key factors. Again, without calling him a cheat, when he might not be one, is not the way to go about this. Of course, if you know he is cheating, you might want to, as they say, “Call a spade a space.” However, right now with cheating such a hot topic in the news it is the perfect opportunity to discuss your feelings about infidelity. And to get him to talk about his feelings on the subject. If he starts to sweat, stammer and change the subject, another adage comes to mind, “Actions speak louder than words.”

There are some marriages that cannot be saved. And I’ll be the first to say there are some that should not be saved. Unfortunately a wife might not be the best judge of this because, “Sometimes love is blind”. – Yes, another old cliche.

If a husband is already leaving for another woman, or admits to being in love with another woman, you may be far better off with a therapist than a book. And if a husband is being abusive, as far as I’m concerned, a wife is far better off with an attorney.

Still, if anyone is interested in affair-proofing their marriage I would suggest reading more about how to do that in the following books: