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BellaOnline's Stress Management Editor

How to Deal with the Bullies in Your Life

Recently, many articles have explored the painful relationship between bullies and their victims. Often rooted in childhood, the consequences are far-reaching and almost never ending Ė for victim and bully. Patterns endure and ultimately define both adult conscious and subconscious behavior. As a result, many of us play the part of the victim in our daily dramas. When bad things happen, we are the victim asking: Why me? If friends exhaust us, we accept the role of the victim: Yes, Iím sure; I donít mind. If spouses and children take advantage of our good natures, we say, I know you had a hard day. Iíll do it for you. This agreeableness stems from having inadequate self-esteem, our need to please and be well- liked; after all, thatís what bullies have done to us: reduced us, embarrassed us, mocked us and controlled us.

Bullies come in different guises. They are not always big, Neanderthal creatures towering over us and browbeating us into submission. They could be small, fragile and old. You laugh and claim, ďIím not intimidated by a little old lady!Ē However, if that little woman were your mother, teacher, or doctor, you just might be. After all, you have given up your power and internalized the criticism or judgment. And no matter what you do in life, in your heart you feel that you will never be good enough, that you have missed the boat and that Murphyís Law governs your life.

Practicing self-awareness will lead you to honestly and objectively identify the self-destructive pattern in order to stand up for yourself. This will compel you to assume responsibility for your actions and to learn from your suffering. You will need to free yourself from the past story, not to forget it, for that would be impossible, but to release its sting and the hold it has taken of your life. You will need to reinterpret it like a nightmare to which you attach a happy ending. Here are some suggestions to help you break the pattern of the perpetual victim:
Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer at Southampton College. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WHLI 1100AM in New York City , produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com

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Content copyright © 2013 by Debbie Mandel. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Debbie Mandel. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Debbie Mandel for details.

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