We live in a world where health, youth and beauty are everything that is right and good. Commercials on TV and print advertising constantly remind us that these are the things to strive for.

Make-up and beauty products take up large amounts of floor space in the stores that sell them. Spas offer all the latest beauty treatments to help you achieve that youthful appearance. Plastic surgeons offer all the little lifts, nips, and tucks to help make this a reality even later in life. Large amounts of anxiety and money flow into this industry in pursuit of the ever elusive fountain of youth.

Many people fight getting older, tooth and nail. Some live in denial, not wanting to admit the truth. But the truth is we are all getting older. And getting older in a society where health, youth and beauty are touted as the most important thing is not an easy thing unless you are very confident in who you are.


Getting Old is Hard Work

All elderly people face many challenges, including failing physical and mental capabilities. They face a possible period of ill-health and dependency at the end of their life. They also face the challenge of retaining a respected place in society.

It is difficult for aging individuals to create new social networks due to the fact that they are no longer working and are less involved in their communities.


It Can Get Even Harder

As difficult as growing old is for everyone, it can be especially difficult for the gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) person. This is especially true for the baby-boomer generation that has to come to terms with the fact that they can no longer make it on their own, and they must rely on others for their care.

An elderly LBGT faces additional obstacles to being able to live a rewarding and healthy life. The first obstacle is the effects that continuing social stigma and prejudice, real or imagined, past and present, has on them. The second is their reliance on their “families of choice” who are not legally or socially recognized.

Although some of the baby-boomer generation of LGBT’s have started to live openly gay and/or transgendered lifestyles, many have essentially remained in the closet and have isolated themselves most of their lives. And now as they age, they have to face the fear that most of us dread – growing old alone.
Some live a life of punishing solitude, at their own hands and at the hand of others. They may have never had a long-term relationship, and have felt the need to isolate themselves socially from others who would not understand their lifestyle. Many have been ostracized by family members.

These older LBGT’s are three times more likely to be childless than their heterosexual counterparts, which will be another isolating factor as they age and face the need for care.

The LBGT person will generally have developed a social structure that is not readily recognized by the government and the institutions that they will need to turn to for help. Bound by societal laws, these “families of choice” will not be able to provide care for them as would the spouse and blood relatives of the general population. These “families of choice” will also generally not be able to have a say in the LBGT’s care.

Family members provide 80% of the long-term care in the U.S. Taking this into consideration, it is easy to see how a person who has been alienated from their family of origin, faces more difficulty in receiving the care that they might need. In addition, this lack leads to the LBGT not seeking care as readily as those in the general population, which leads to the complications of depression, untreated illness, and premature mortality.

Even if the LBGT person has developed a strong “family of choice” network, they tend to face social isolation more than that found in the general population. Research has revealed the detrimental effects of this type of social isolation to be depression, destitution, deferred care-seeking, poor nutrition and early death.

Because some LBGT’s have faced strong prejudice and even violence in their lives, many continue to remain deeply closeted. This means that they continue to isolate themselves, and in order for LBGT’s to age successfully, their social isolation, self-imposed or not, must be reduced. Interestingly enough, elderly LBGT’s are even facing discrimination from the younger LBGT community.


It Should Get Easier

Later generations of LBGT’s, will have it easier because many of them have come to terms with these lifestyle issues, and are living their lives as they choose without worrying what others think. But they should also find a society that is much more accepting. They are not feeling the severe stigmatism that our current elderly has felt, continues to feel, and is likely to continue feeling.

Feeling connected to others, and feeling a part of a community are essential needs for all humans. And as we age and lose abilities because of the aging process, feeling connected to those around us becomes even more important. In fact, social relationships are essential if a person is to be able to age successfully.


It's About Human Rights

Whether you agree or disagree that a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender life choice is morally acceptable or not is no longer the issue. The issue is that another human being needs care, needs acceptance and needs love. Everyone has the right to age with dignity and purpose. And no one should ever have to live, or die, alone.