This is a question that many survivors of child abuse ask themselves. A person that was abused as a child usually has very low self-esteem and doesn’t feel as though they know who they are as an individual. This is because as a child, they were not allowed to think for themselves, to make mistakes and grow through them, or to have their own opinion on things. Instead, the child that is abused is forced to follow the whims of their abuser, cannot make mistakes for fear of further abuse from their abuser, and is never allowed to voice their own opinion on any issue. They are fully controlled by their abuser, in every means of the word.

The victim of child abuse then grows up into adulthood, yet without all of the normal stages and developments, emotionally and mentally, that all children experience. As an adult, they struggle with making the right choices, expressing any emotion, and knowing what is normal or not. Many victims of child abuse are raised to think that the abuse they endure is normal. They find it odd when a friend tells them it isn’t normal. They don’t have any self-esteem, since they were not allowed to uniquely express themselves as they grew up into adulthood. Therefore, as an adult, they feel lost.

They may feel as though they don’t know the person inside of them. After all, they were never allowed to recognize or acknowledge that person inside of them that made them unique and an individual. Furthermore, they are haunted by the abusive statements and comments that plagued them in their childhood. It is difficult for them to like themselves as an adult, when their abusive parent didn’t like them as a child.

Many of us that have experienced childhood abuse will question our individuality as an adult. We will question who we are, what we like or don’t like, what makes us who we are as a person etc. Finding our individuality and uniqueness that sets us apart from the rest of the world is no easy task. Often, it is obtained only through therapy. I encourage those who have experienced childhood abuse to seek therapy. I believe in therapy and the fact that when we begin to share our secrets, we can then begin to heal. Healing, then, comes through freedom of expression in a safe place. By doing this, we can hopefully begin to find that person inside of us that questions, “Who am I?”