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BellaOnline's Life Coaching Editor

Be Your Own Best Friend

One thing I know how to do very well is to be alone. Growing up, I had siblings, but I also had my own room, my own toys and my own inner world. From age five on, books were everything to me. When I was eight I began to write. Decades later not much has changed, only Iím married with a family now. Still my self-containment is very much intact.

My desire to stay home reading used to make me feel like an outcast, when I was younger since it seemed that everyone else my age was out socializing. As I get older, I realize that my ability to be good company for myself is actually a good thing.

1)First off, if youíre your own best friend, you donít have to worry about coordinating schedules with yet another person. Considering the fact that with two kids and a husband, Iím always juggling, itís a relief not to have even more dates to put on the calendar.

2) Your free time is all your own. When thinking of how youíd like to use a day off, if youíre your own best friend you donít have to consider the tastes and interests of someone else. If you want to see that foreign movie with sub-titles, feel free! You can simply do what you want to do.

3)Itís cheaper! I find that I spend more money when Iím out with others than when Iím out by myself since Iím happy with a trip to the library and a nice walk. Further I donít have to dress to impress when Iím by myself.

4) Self-sufficiency is attractive according to Robert Greene author of the 48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction.

5) If youíre your own best friend, youíre less likely to settle for dysfunctional friendships and relationships. Why would you spend time with a negative or draining person when you could be sitting at an outdoor cafť, sipping tea and writing your thoughts in a journal?

Several years ago, Mark Epstein, M.D., wrote an article in O, The Oprah Magazine called ďWhen Love Gets Lonely.Ē In the article Dr. Epstein, who is a psychiatrist, wrote ďeven in the best relationship, you can sometimes feel alone. That sense of separateness is inescapableÖĒ So we must master the art of flying solo since most likely at some point many of us will find ourselves in situations where we feel isolated. The solution, I believe, is to embrace it.

Mastering aloneness the right way doesnít lead to narcissism. We all need other people in our lives. We need to be able to see points of view other than our own. But remember that confidence can grow exponentially in those moments when youíre alone. During that time you take for yourself, you can dream as big as you want since thereís absolutely no one around to stop you.

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