Some children really struggle to behave, and they have been scolded so often they just see themselves as bad kids and expect people to react to them in a negative way. My daughter, who was nineteen at the time, had just such a child in her class. The parents were inactive, so she was reluctant to speak to them about his behavior. I was the mother's visiting teacher, so one day she accompanied me to his house. When he saw her at the door, he ran out of the room, but hid around the corner where he could listen. During the visit, my daughter spoke highly of the little boy, praising his intelligence, his knowledge of the gospel and his willingness to serve others. She completely ignored the tremendous problems she was having with him. The following
Sunday, he walked up to her with a puzzled look on his face.

"You came to my house last week and said good stuff about me. I thought you were coming to tell how bad I was. Why did you say good things?" The child was truly confused, since no one had ever come to tell his parents good things about their son. The rest of the day, he was quiet and well-behaved, but continued to watch the teacher suspiciously, as if he expected that she was
up to something. If this were fiction, the story would end with an entirely reformed child, but as is usually the case, the child soon returned to his old ways. My daughter continued to look for ways to surprise him with praise and she saw periodic improvements, small, but welcome. The child soon stopped coming to church when his family changed religions, but she knew she had
made a difference.

Praising a child who is normally in trouble can also improve the relationship between parent and child. Parents love their children, even the ones who can't behave, and they want to find good in their child. One day a child who was a challenge gave up his turn in a game to a child who was having a sad day. I was startled by this surprising gesture. When class ended, I asked him to find
his mother and bring her to me so I could tell her what he had done. As he came back toward our classroom, I heard him protest, "Honest, I'm not in trouble. She wants to tell you something good." In spite of his protests, his mother was surprised, but delighted, by my news about her son. As they left the room, she was praising him lavishly. The next week, the other children asked if I would tell their mothers too when they were good, and I realized most children only have negative behavior reported to parents. After all, how often do we think to make an extra effort to track down a child's parents to report that a little one was a joy?

Over time, I've made a special effort to praise each of my students to his or her parents. Teenagers respond just as well to this type of treatment. Parents are thrilled when I tell them their daughter is the most responsible class secretary I've ever worked with and I don't know what I'd do without her. They react with pride when told their teenager quietly gathered the girls who
didn't have friends into her tent on an overnight campout, instead of staying with her own friends. Parents of small children like to hear that their child prays beautifully or knows the gospel unusually well. Even the most challenging child will accidentally reveal what is good about her if
you watch closely.

There is an added benefit to this habit. So often, as teachers, we focus on the negative in our students. When we force ourselves to watch for something good, we develop a new respect for our students and it becomes easier to love them. Surprise your students with praise and watch for the miracles. They may be small, but they will never be forgotten.


Perfect Love