Guest Author - Lynne Chapman
Two Blondes with Hammers
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house.
Becky who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!."
Dangers Of Riding A Horse
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the
horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins
to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the
horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The
horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away
from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes
entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's
pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away
from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby the Wal-Mart
greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
Hereīs a reverse blonde joke:
The Smart Blonde
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says sheīs going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow
$5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the
loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked
on the street in front of the bank, she has the title, and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bankīs president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for
using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the
bank then drives the Rolls into the bankīs underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which
comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blond replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks
for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in
the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to
take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the
gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, donīt do it." The
blonde replies, "Shut up, youīre next!"
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife
(undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should
I know, thatīs 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I donīt know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and
leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this
person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first
blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says,
"You dummy, itīs me!"
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says,
"Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, whatīs the capital
of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, thatīs easy: W."
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"