Children are taught from an early age to think of others when making choices. By the time most people reach adulthood, they detest being regarded as selfish. Yet, those who disagree with a personal choice, but have no logical reason for their disapproval, will often label the person who makes that choice selfish in an attempt to change the decision-maker´s mind. In recent years, these self-appointed judges have sought to make the childfree decision unacceptable by branding those who would choose not to have children as selfish. Despite their insistence, choosing to live a childfree lifestyle is not a selfish decision.

The true meaning of selfishness must be considered in evaluating whether or not the childfree are selfish. The definition of selfishness includes a willful disregard for the well-being of others. But the childfree have carefully considered the life that their potential offspring might lead before making their decision to not raise children. By choosing not to bring children into a home that may have too little time, money, or interest to raise a child properly, these folks are not demonstrating selfishness. Their decision is based on concern for the happiness and welfare of everyone, including their possible progeny, family, friends, and communities.

Where did the idea that choosing not to raise children is selfish originate? The sacrifices that parents make to feed, clothe, and raise their children are often seen as rising out of a selfless love for their children. Because the childfree avoid these unselfish sacrifices of time and money, the reasoning goes, they must be selfish. But voluntarily choosing not to have children is not the opposite of sacrificing one´s own needs and desires for the sake of a child. The selfish choice, in this case, is to bring children into the world and then neglect, abuse or abandon them. Selfish describes the parent who indulges himself at the expense of his child´s well-being, not the person who has never had a child at all.

In my opinion, the childfree as a group have been too willing to accept the selfish label. The decision to not have children is no more self-serving than any other personal choice that adults make, including the choice to have kids. How can a personal choice not to subject children to an unhappy existence be considered selfish?

To me, the bottom-line on whether or not the childfree decision is selfish: Someone must be harmed by a decision for that choice to qualify as a selfish action, and since a non-existent child can´t be hurt, the decision not to have children can´t be considered selfish.

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