Guest Author - Previous BellaOnline Editor
People from all areas of the country, with different careers, income levels, religions, and ethnicity decide to remain child free. There are several reasons for choosing not to have children. Maybe you love your life just the way it is. Maybe you don’t think you can afford to have a family. Or perhaps that “maternal instinct” just isn’t inside of you.
Lisa, 32, likes having the freedom to do what she wants, when she wants. “I like my house in order. I don’t like a lot of noise or chaos in my home. I like my stuff in order. I don’t want kids the same way some people say they don’t want a cat or dog. I don’t want the responsibility and I don’t want to give up my financial independence. I don’t want to be a parent the same way I didn’t want to be a doctor – it just didn’t interest me enough.”
She didn’t come to this decision on a whim. She thought about it long and hard, and did some soul searching before finally deciding she really didn’t want any children. “I make important decisions very, very carefully,” she says. “I think things through. I always did. I’m also a planner. I like to envision how I would want my life to be and then map out the steps to get there. All the things I envision don’t involve kids. For me the decision isn’t an issue – it’s everyone else’s reaction to my decision that gets difficult. I’m an only child and my sister-in-law is childfree so I’m the ‘great hope’ for grandkids. Sorry but it’s not happening.”
Diana has similar feelings. “I am not career oriented at all, but I do value my child free lifestyle, privacy, freedom, and a sex life. I like having money to spend and having a clean house. I dread having to go through the whole pregnancy charade! I also hate the thought of the pain in childbirth!!! And I like the fact that I still have the same body I had in high school too!”
Rebecca’s decision not to have kids was solidified by watching her friends and family become parents. “They ‘never have time for themselves,’ ‘it's so hard,’ ‘I'm so busy.’ The worst part is listening to the complaining and then all the "horrible things" that have happened to their bodies after childbirth, you know, the natural things. It's to the point now where we don't really like spending time with them anymore. It's very annoying. So, our response to them when they nag us about having children is that ‘You're not making it look like any fun.’”
Not wanting children doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t like kids. “Don't get me wrong,” says Diana “I love kids. I just like them even more if I can leave at the end of the day or send them home to their parents.”
Though the people who visit Married No Kids come from a variety of backgrounds, the one thing we all have in common is a sense of isolation, and a desire to connect with people like us.
It’s important to remember that we’re not alone! There are lots of women out there who don’t want children. And there’s nothing wrong with us for making that decision!