Raising adopted kids is different. If those kids were older than a few days or weeks when they arrived in your home, becoming a family requires that all of you acknowledge that this little person has had prior experience. Author Lois Ruskai does an excellent job of leading adoptive parents through the joys and pitfalls of parenting an adopted child.

For many years the standard advice on adoptive parenting was to cover it all up and forget about the past. We now know that whether the child was a newborn or much older, there are emotional traumas associated with losing a birth parent that can cause major problems over time if they are not addressed. Ruskai sensitively explores these issues and offers advice on helping kids move past early losses.

Ruskai offers practical advice and a well-rounded discussion of various points of view regarding adoption. While she advocates telling children as early as possible that they were adopted, she offers helpful insight into other ways of handling the "telling" issue.

For the adopted child, many events can trigger a reminder of those early losses. Each milestone celebrated, each personal tragedy, serve to highlight that the birth parent is not present. No matter how well attached the child is to their adoptive family, they will wonder how things would have been and how they came to be what they are. Ruskai offers insight into helping a child understand the past as they are developmentally ready to do so.

With detailed coverage of attachment issues, adoptive breastfeeding, adopting the older child, open adoptions, single parent adoption, and everything in between, this book is a must have for anyone contemplating adoption. Many of the points are helpful for step-parent adoptions as well.