There are a lot of good things about having an IUI or intruterine insemination. You know the sperm is getting where it needs to be. You know the timing is right. You are avoiding all the issues with a difficult cervix or having the wrong vaginal PH. On the other hand, you just don't expect to be trying to conceive a child with your feet in stirrups and two other women in the room.

Early this week I had my first IUI. My doctor assured me that it would be much, much easier than the HSG (hysterosalpongogram) they had used to check for blockages in my tubes. I told him the HSG tech said my cervix was difficult. He said they'd use ultrasound to guide the way and that it would not hurt as much. Mostly he lied.

For one thing, my doctor didn't perform the procedure. It was performed by two super nice nurses. They asked me to identify the donor sample we were to use. I said I'd never seen it before, but hey, looks like sperm to me. They asked me to check the numbers on the syringe and the numbers on the form I had to sign. Yup, looks like sperm to me.

They didn't use ultrasound either. Don't know if that would have helped, but for me the worst of it seems to happen when they are trying to find the opening to my cervix. Seems mine is never in the right spot. It took a long time for them to get the right size speculum in the right spot to see where they were going. I don't want to scare anyone, because from what I hear mine was worse than average (as usual). But this was not fun.

Once they figured out where to go, the insemination itelsef was a breeze. Then the cramping started. I had to stay on my back for 20 minutes while “gravity” did its thing. They tilted the edge of the table up in the air and left the room. I shifted, squiremd, cried, and tapped my feet for 20 minutes while I begged these anonymous sperm to swim the right direction despite my cramping uterus. My husband said, “Don't worry, labor will be a lot worse.” He is a very, very lucky man. If I had not been afraid of losing $300 worth of donor sperm I might have broken my vow of non-violence.

This was my first round of Femara as well. Femara is a breast cancer drug that has the side effect of increasing fertility. It was much, muhc more pleasant than Clomid. However, I think it made my ovaries swell like ballons because they hurt for three days before I ovulated and 5 days later I am still popping non-asperin pain killers.

It will be more than a week before I can test to see if I am pregnant. The dreaded two week wait is truly awful. I am distracting myself by crocheting little hats, booties, sweaters, blankets, and other baby items. I bought fabric to make cloth diapers. I ordered genuine alpaca/wool to make soakers for the cloth diapers. I am making cute little sleep sacks. I wrote in the baby journal I bought 4 years ago. Did I mention I need a lot of distracting? My mother is worried that all this baby stuff will make me sadder if I get a negative test. I already know that a negative test will be devastating, baby booties in the cedar chest won't make that any more painful. All of this makes me believe that someday I am going to have a really well dressed baby. I need to cope with all of this by reminding myself that where there is life there is hope.