Guest Author - Kathie LoMonaco
My eye caught two separate articles in a couple of New York newspapers; one on 'men who cheat'; the other on marriages that come apart at midlife.
From the one article I read, a woman journalist put an ad on an online website (which had nothing to do with dating, sex or relationships) looking for "married" men who are looking to engage in a brief affair - with a married woman. The results were astounding. Within a half hour, this journalist says she had 80 "cheats" to choose from.
According to the study quoted in this article, approximately 44% of husbands have affairs compared to 12% of wives. So, although men think their wives are oblivious, the fact is that around midlife, according to the second newspaper article I read, women are actually the ones who want 'out' of the relationship.
Extramarital affairs, and probably the all-around deceptiveness, erodes the fabric of relationships, and while I'm sure most wives hear the sound of a distant bell in their heads signaling a problem at some point in the marriage, the majority of them, for whatever the reason, are not ready to call an end to their marriage until the midlife years. Their reasons could be varied - psychological, financial, emotional; but, eventually, they heed that distant bell, which brings me to an amusing story.
In the book, Heartburn, written by Nora Ephron, and adapted to a screenplay, Meryl Streep plays the long-suffering wife of Jack Nicholson, the serial cheater. She leaves him the first time she finds out he has been cheating on her. They eventually patch things up. Then, one day, during a pleasant dinner at a friend's house, with several married-coupled friends around the table, one of the friends comments about someone they all know whose spouse has left them for someone else. This friend comments, "so, my question is - how can a person not know when their own spouse is cheating?" -- at which point Meryl Streep gets up from her chair, announces that "it is possible - it is possible......." the friend then responds, "then they must have been living in a dream world"........Streep agrees out loud, then calmly strolls over to the pie she had brought to the gathering, and deposits it smack into her husband's kisser. Wow, what a scene! She finally, finally - had had enough. We all have different threshholds - she had reached hers.
But, it seems at some point in midlife, my guess is that these wives are so tired of the inattentiveness, the bogus 'working late' stories, and the general propoganda they have been fed, that they finally take matters into their own hands. They build up the strength and the courage to finally leave - they become empowered. The distant bell finally sounds -- loud and clear!!
You have one small consolation, ladies...if he's cheating on you with her - chances are he's cheating on her also -- or will, in the very near future..but that's not your problem - anymore - hopefully!
Remember that Knowledge is Power - Check out Daylle Deanna Schwartz' website where she has a self-empowerment newsletter that you can subscribe to - as well as a host of other interesting tidbits such as her Blog for you to read and enjoy! Daylle is a multi-faceted and multi-talented woman. She has also started her own record company!
Have you ever been cheated on? Drop me a line by email and tell me your story. With your permission, I will print some of the stories that come into me - either anonymously, or, if you allow, your first name only.
If you had it to do over - what would you do differently? any regrets?
Drop me a line - I love hearing from you - and getting your input!