A discussion on an online list recently made me think about what attachment parenting really is. The original poster was hesitant to admit that because of her health she actually used a *gasp* stroller when out and about with her child. She was afraid to admit this openly within a group of AP moms because of the criticism she had seen heaped on similar admissions by other mothers. How sad that we feel the need to tell other parents what they are doing "wrong" with attachment parenting! This discussion (and the support she received on the wonderful list we were on) made me think about what attachment parenting really is.

Attachment parenting has existed since the dawn of time when mothers and fathers responded instinctually to their infant's needs. While the idea of attachment parenting has been formally promoted in our society by people such as Dr. William Sears, one doesn't have to look far to find attached parents who have never even heard of Dr. Sears.

My sister is a prime example of unplanned attachment parenting. I've never asked, but I don't think she has even read any of Dr. Sears' books. She is the mother of 10 children between the ages of 1 and 24. Her children are among the most attached siblings I have ever seen. Last summer her oldest son got married here in my town. His family drove 2,000 miles to be with him. He and his wife chose to postpone their honeymoon by a few days so they would have more time to spend with his parents and his siblings before they left for New Jersey. That is what happens when you fill a child's emotional needs. That is the result of attachment parenting.

My sister doesn't own a sling, her kids know what spanking is, they don't pratice cosleeping and she won't cloth diaper. I've seen attachment parenting forums where she would be attacked from every angle. Yet she has raised several compassionate, caring and independent children who know that they are important parts of their family. What is attachment parenting really?

Extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, babywearing, cosleeping / family bed, are these required for attachment parenting? Attachment parenting is more abou the WHY then it is about the details of how you raise your child. I can tell you if a parent is an attached parent within 5 minutes after they come into a room with their baby. The attached parent interacts with their baby and responds to their cues. The un-attached parent ignores the baby babble, puts the car seat on the floor and walks away, paying attention to the baby only when it screams. Often, instead of picking up the crying baby, the parent responds by rocking the car seat until the baby stops crying. Message to baby, "Your needs are not really important to me."

The attached parent meets the babies emotional and physical needs. Babies need contact, they need acknowledgement, they need to know they matter. When the baby babbles the parent responds with appreciation. When the baby is stressed, the parent reassures them. You can raise an attached baby with a stroller, provided it is not used to isolate the baby. You can even raised an attached baby and practice extended breastfeeding while baby sleeps in a crib in another room (though you won't get as much sleep).

Attached parents in our society get enough harassment from people who believe in minimal parenting. As attachment parenting advocates we need to stick together. Good parents come in thousands of different models. Lets support each other and spend our time gently advocating for better childrearing practices rather than tearing each other down.

As attached parents, we also have a duty to our children to show them that caring and acceptance is the best way to deal with people. IMprovising witch hunts not only hurts the image of attachment parenting, but it reduces us as people. We can't teach caring to our kids if we don't practice it with each other.

Looking for a supportive attachment parenting forum or cosleeping mom and dad forum?

Try the Bella Online Attachment Parenting Forum

Bella Online Attachment Parenting Forum