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BellaOnline's News for Kids Editor

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Clean Jokes for Kids

Guest Author - Denise Oliveri

The joy of laughter is so fun to watch in a child telling a joke. They can tickle themselves just by passing along something that someone told them. Don't worry moms and dads, these jokes are just good clean fun.

Dinosaur Jokes

What do you get when two dinosaurs crash together?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
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What do you do when a triceratops charges you?
Pay him!
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How many sides does a cave have?
Two. An inside and an outside.
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What do you call a prehistoric beach?
A Dino-shore!
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What do you call it when two cavemen have an argument?
An Ugh-of-war.
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This rock really should not be in the rock group. It's too lazy.
How do you know it's lazy?
Because it came from a BEDrock.
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What is just as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing?
Beats me.
A dinosaur's shadow!
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Doctor Jokes

Patient: Doc, what should I use for a splitting headache?
Doctor: Have you tried glue?
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Doctor: Do you drink plenty of liquids?
Patient: That's all I drink!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patient: I'm always dizzy for about a half-an-hour after I get up in the morning.
Doctor: Try sleeping in a half-an-hour later.
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Patient: Doc, do you remember last year when you told me to avoid wetness to make my arthritis better?
Doctor: Yes, I do.
Patient: Well it worked. I feel better, so can I take a shower now?
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Doctor: You need glasses.
Patient: How can you tell?
Doctor: I knew as soon as I saw you come through the window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Food Jokes

What is soft, white, and comes from Mars?
Martian-mallows!
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What do anteaters like on their pizza?
Antchovies.
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What did the lettuce say to the celery?
"Quit stalking me!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do ghosts eat for lunch?
Boo-loney sandwiches!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did the baker stop making donuts?
He was tired of the HOLE business!
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What did the man say when he was offered tapioca?
"You're pudding me on!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What kind of cake holds water?
A sponge cake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you say to rotten lettuce?
"You should have your head examined."
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Animal Jokes

What is a snake's favorite subject in school?
Hiss-tory!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
You hold its nose!
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Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove it wasn't chicken!
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What did the monkey say when his sister had a baby?
"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do owls call at night?
Because the rates are cheaper.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why are wolves like cards?
They come in packs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call a feather storm?
A down-pour!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call a squirrel's nest?
A nutcracker suite.
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Teacher Jokes

Teacher: An apple comes under fruits, a pepper comes under vegetables. So, what does an egg come under?
Student: A hen.
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Teacher: Sally, what kind of birds are found in captivity?
Sally: Jailbirds.
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Teacher: If you bought 10 apples for 10 cents, what would each one be?
Student: Rotten! They'd have to be at that price.
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A child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The child replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow!"
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The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."
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Son: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Dad: I think so. What is it you want me to write?
Son: Your name on this report card.
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Teacher: How can you prove the earth is round?
Student: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
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Content copyright © 2014 by Denise Oliveri. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Denise Oliveri. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact BellaOnline Administration for details.

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