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Funny Football Quotes

Guest Author - Kori Ellis

Players, coaches, commentators, writers and comedians - everyone seems to have something funny to say about football. Following is a collection of humorous quotes about the game of football.

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
~Joe Theismann

"Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers."
~Merle Kessler

"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
~Erma Bombeck

"The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
~Phyllis Diller

"Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it."
~Luke Salisbury

"Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent."
~Dave Barry

"When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something."
~Dick Butkus

"Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important."
~Eugene J. McCarthy

"Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it."
~Luke Salisbury

"Most football teams are temperamental. That's 90% temper and 10% mental."
~Doug Plank

"Football isn't a contact sport, it's a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport."
~Duffy Daugherty

"Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings."
~George Will

"You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four."
~Dan Birdwell

"If my mother put on a helmet and shoulder pads and a uniform that wasn't the same as the one I was wearing, I'd run over her if she was in my way. And I love my mother."
~Bo Jackson

"We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that, we're just not a very good football team right now."
~Bruce Coslet

"College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture."
~Elbert Hubbard

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Content copyright © 2013 by Kori Ellis. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Kori Ellis. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact BellaOnline Administration for details.

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