Guest Author - Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, M.D, F.A.A.P

If your family is anything like mine, planning the fall begins almost as soon as each school year ends. Coordinating one child’s activities is challenging enough, but two or more competing schedules can be mind boggling, not to mention the fact that many parents today work. It is no wonder we all feel a little stretched to our limits. But, how about our kids? Are we inadvertently overstretching them?

Activities can be wonderful ways for our children to be with other kids, learn new skills, have new experiences and build self-esteem. They keep our kids physically fit and teach discipline and how to work with other people. And, they can be great fun.

At the same time, how much is enough? Do our kids really need extracurricular activities at young ages? Are we signing our kids up for activities to keep up with the Joneses or to enrich our kids? What do our kids really want? And, how much can we, as parents, load onto our weekly plate without becoming stressed ourselves?

Child development experts recommend moderation for all age groups as well as making sure time is left over for unstructured family time. For really young kids, preschoolers, the school experience itself is more than enough, and for school-aged kids 2-3 activities a week is about what a typical child can tolerate. If you do have your child taking more than one activity, strive for balance – some sports, some arts, etc. The teenage years are when kids start to focus and gravitate towards their true passions. Balance is the key with teens between time for activities and time for completing their hefty homework pile, not to mention getting enough sleep!

There are some red flags that our kids will wave when they are on overload – many of which we recently discussed in the column on anxiety. Tantrums, fatigue, not doing well in school or not being able to get work done, physical complaints: headaches, stomachaches, poor sleeping, appetite changes, or becoming resistant to attending an activity or practicing for it when needed, are among the symptoms.

One sure sign of too much on your family’s plate: not enough real family time, bickering among family members or new strains in a marriage. If you are starting to feel stressed about the pace of the week, likely your kids are, too. So, before you say “yes” again to a new activity, including donating your time, make sure it is not at the expense of what is really important – your family’s happiness.

In www.kidshealth.org, Alvin Rosenfeld, MD, a child psychiatrist and author, really brings this issue to light: “Kids should be allowed to be kids. Childhood is a preparation, not a full performance. A parent has to decide what’s appropriate, when to say no, and what really matters…Be unproductive with your kids – play Monopoly, shoot hoops, take a walk, listen to music – anything that you both enjoy that has no goal. This convinces your kids that they’re important, that who they are, not what they create, matters. And that really helps self-esteem.”

I think Simon and Garfunkle said it the best: “Slow down, you move to fast – you’ve got to make the morning last – just kickin’ up those cobblestones…I’ve got no place to go, no promises to keep….” So, let’s all give this a shot this year and see where it takes us – I suspect we’ll all be happier and better off for it in the end.