Bisexuality Rejection and Self Identification

Guest Author - L. Drea Strasser

Bisexuality is like being the proverbial rock in the hard place. Ask 100 people what bisexuality even means, and I’ll bet you’ll get 100 different answers. Its confusing, no more so than to the bisexual herself. There are so many factors to consider. Not only do you have to decide who you want to be with and when, but you have literally the whole world to choose from. It can be overwhelming.

Rejection Within the Ranks
Many lesbians and gay men regard bisexuals as persons who simply cannot make up their minds, leaving the bi without an ally when she needs one. The “homosexuals” don’t understand what some are today terming a stand-alone orientation of people. Some bisexuals turn to drugs, alcohol, or other risky behaviors because of this rejection.

Whereas the rest of the lesbian and gay community is so closely knit, bisexuals have yet to be brought fully into that fold. Many groups are referred to as part of the “lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender” (LGBT) community, but there are relatively few groups dedicated to bisexuals alone. As of now, bisexuals either remain superceded by gays and lesbians in number, or have yet to unite for their equality within the LGBT community structure.

Self-Identification
Rejection also happens within the bisexual herself. She thinks “wouldn’t it be easier if I could at least pick one gender?” and the mind takes over. There is the difficulty caused by self-identification, where many bis identify as lesbian, but their actions fall in with that of a bisexual. This can create denial or self-loathing if unchecked. It is perfectly normal to identify in this way. Bisexuality is very fluid, and as with many things, there are no static rules, only guidelines for defining what a thing is commonly accepted to be.

So what is bisexuality commonly accepted to be? An attraction to both genders. Some say intercourse with members of both genders. But it’s up to you as the bisexual to decide that for yourself.

It’s also up to you to decide for yourself how you identify, lesbian or strictly bisexual. If you lean 80% toward women and 20% toward men, perhaps you feel more comfortable identifying as lesbian. If you feel you’re more 50/50, perhaps bisexual is a better “title” for you. Or perhaps you like being a free agent, “title free”. As I said, that’s entirely up to you.