My heart and soul ached, as I watched John Edwards’ wife, Elizabeth, discuss with Oprah Winfrey the pain she experienced upon learning that her husband had had an extra-marital affair. I gasped for air each time Oprah’s questions probed deeper into Elizabeth’s heartache when she asked about the possibility that her husband had fathered a child with his mistress. As my heart was frantically racing for clarity—I remembered that I had traveled this road of pain before…I voted for Bill Clinton and loved him deeply and intensely.

I thought he was the greatest president even after he lied about having sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I defended his honor in the local juke-joint Coney Island where the auto-workers and town-folk would come to eat breakfast and talk smack. One guy, who was a maintenance worker for the local university for 27-years, walked out angrily during our conversation stating to me, “You are just a young-blood; you don’t know nothing about life. How can I tell my boys not to lie when the leader of our country is a liar? Why should I have to explain to my 9-year-old son about infidelity in reference to the president that I voted for? Clinton may be a good president but he is a poor role model. He is undoing everything he has done well, when people lose faith in his ability to be a decent human being.”

I was stunned at his comment. I still argued that his fidelity and ability to be a good husband and the job that he was doing as the president of the United States should be judged separately and required different skills. Yet, I still had more to learn.

I will never forget the November 2004 election day, when George Bush Jr. was running for his second term, after the media discovered that there were no “weapons of mass destruction” and questioned his true motives for going to war. I teach psychology full-time at a community college with vibrant, beautiful and intelligent students whom I love. They left my class in droves to go and vote. Out of innocent curiosity, I asked my students who they voted for and why the next class period. Their answers changed me forever.

This is a summary of over a hundred student comments: “I voted for Bush because he is a good man.” “I voted for Bush because he is faithful to Laura.” “I voted for Bush because he is a family man.” “I voted for Bush because he has good Christian values.”I couldn’t believe their answers but I had an AHA moment. I learned that people vote for issues that they can identify with and that has personal meaning to them.

People know what it feels like to cheat and be cheated on. People know what it feels like to be lied to in matters of the home and heart. People can’t visualize what a weapon of mass destruction look like. People don’t see dead soldiers on the battlefield. Most people can’t tangibly visualize what the national debt or budget look like. Parents would much rather explain war and why we kill innocent people than discuss infidelity without feeling ashamed because this is their psychological comfort level.

I am not saying that people are stupid or small minded; I just think that most people vote with their hearts and not their minds. Many of my female students refer our current President, Barack Obama, as sexy, handsome, charismatic, hot or their “future-husbands”. They joyfully and playfully tell the class how if given the opportunity they would have an affair with him.

I know this type of attention has to be flattering and maybe even difficult at times, for any man… but as the President of the United States please remember that no matter how physically attractive, sexy or beautiful a woman is who wants to give her body to you—that what she is going to take away from you is priceless.


Ex- senator, John Edwards, lost more than the opportunity to become president-- he lost his wife’s trust in his integrity, honor and the sacredness of their wedding vows. Edward’s children’s lives and self-concept have changed in ways that neither of them can perceive because the pain is too deep and profound to analyze or heal at this time. One simple act of indiscretion could destroy, hurt or change the course of so many lives.


President Obama please, please don’t cheat on Michelle, your children and the people who voted for you. If you ever have a moment of weakness please remember that real, authentic, timeless beauty is being able to look your wife and daughters in their eyes and know that in or out the White House, president or not they can instill their trust and faith in you. Real beauty is the hope that you have placed in the hearts and souls of the millions of citizens who you made believe that anything is possible.