Guest Author - L. Drea Strasser

I once had a woman after two weeks of serious dating and romance tell me that I was a mess, and that I wasn’t even good enough to be her friend. What can I say? Left to their own devices, women can be cruel. So how do you tell someone it’s over without being mean?

1. Be honest, but not brutally so. Tell her why simply and without all the gory details. Even if she insists on hearing them. She’s better off not hearing that you just can’t live without your best friend being your girlfriend.

2. Repeat after me: I’m sorry but it’s over. That whole dancing around the “it’s over” part by saying things like “we’re at different points in our lives” just isn’t nice. Plus she might not understand what you’re trying to say. Respect her enough to be straight-forward.

3. Be nice. Don’t tell her that she’s not as good as you, even if secretly you’re thinking it.

4. Don’t string her along. Get to the point, and stick to it. Don’t say you want to make things work if you don’t.

5. Don’t give ultimatums, especially ones that start “We’ll stay together if you…” If you decide it’s really just over, she’ll resent the pointless work you made her do, if she even does it.

6. Go in prepared for resistance, and have a plan. If you anticipate her reaction, you’ll have some ideas for how to counter her in a pleasant way.

7. Never swear. It’ll just get things heated unnecessarily.

8. Never call her names. Words like “lazy” will end up opening wounds. There’s no sense in causing pain for pain’s sake.

9. Don’t play games. Don’t be so afraid to break up with her that you force her to break up with you. Be an adult.

10. Say what you have to say and get off the phone. (Or out of the coffee shop.) Don’t belabor the point. Don’t talk it to death. Just do it and say goodbye.

Hopefully these ideas will help when romance fails to be what you need it to be. Hopefully you won’t be in a position to use them. Good luck!