Guest Author - Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, M.D., F.A.A.P.

I’ve lost count how many times my daughters have asked me about when we plan to get them a cell phone. This is the first of many needs they will approach us about: today, a cell phone; tomorrow a car, credit card, piece of clothing or jewelry, wanting to get something pierced. The list is endless. All kids want to be like the other kids. Some issues we can compromise on and others we need to set clear boundaries and even say no. Some issues will be clear-cut and others more murkey. For me, the issue of a cell phone falls into the latter.

To my almost 12 year old, this is an urgent matter. Middle School is only months away and she does not want to start off her new school adventure out of step with the other tweens. She’s leaving behind the land of little kids and entering the land of the big…well, big-ish, kids. So, to her, a lack of a cell phone spells social disaster in her mind.

To help muddy the waters even more, she’s recruited a very persistent campaign manager – her 8 ½ year old sister who has been busy polling all her friends with older siblings. Before you think how sweet it is for one sister to help the other, there is a clear ulterior motive: If big sis has a phone, I get a phone.

I’ve done my own field research polling friends and parents I know who have already faced this crossroads. Here’s what I’ve learned:

First, while there really is no agreed upon age for “needing” a cell phone, there seems to be a majority feeling that elementary school is too young and Middle School age is about right – at least to ponder the topic. By Middle School, our kids are getting more independent and involved in activities that take them away from home and school more. Many Middle-Schoolers also walk home or to the local stores with their friends and are often home without you in short bursts either alone or watching siblings. With payphones and public phones in general hard to come by, a cell phone in these situations could be a huge asset should your child need to reach you.

After talking to many friends and pediatric colleagues, some practicing pediatricians and other developmental and psychiatric specialists, I’ve compiled a list of questions that can help you sort out whether adding a cell phone makes sense for your family.

1. Is your tween/teen home after school alone?
2. Does your tween/teen walk home from school alone or with friends?
3. Does your tween/teen often spend time away from home at overnight camp or at friends’ houses?
4. Does your tween/teen participate in activities where there is no handy phone to call you in a pinch?
5. Is your teen/tween starting to attend parties, either at school or at friends’ houses?
6. Does your teen have a driver’s license or is starting to be in a car with older teenaged licensed-drivers?
7. Does your teen/tween ride on moving vehicles away from home, such as bikes, roller blades or skateboards?
8. Is your tween/teen starting to walk to the local pizza shop or store with friends to grab a snack?
9. Is your teen/tween starting to baby-sit?
10. Does your teen have a job?


But the story does not end here.If we do decide to get a cell phone, what responsibilities should we expect from our tween/teen? The phone costs money. How will our teen/tween contribute to the phone and the bills? What about abuse of the phone should our child make calls that are not urgent or emergent or necessary? What will the consequences be when that occurs (and you know it will!)?

The best way to teach responsibility is to make it part of the deal. I’d suggest a payment plan and a contract that both you and your tween/teen sign. And, avoid phones with bells and whistles – they just tempt fate and drive up monthly costs. Even the internet and AIM costs money. Plus, the more ways your tween/teen has to contact the world, the less you know who your child is really in touch with.

You’ll notice that I refer to tweens and teens . In my wildest dream, I really can’t come up with a reason why an elementary school child would need a cell phone. If you do, please let me know – really. This is un-chartered territory so us parents need to learn from each other, and stick together! And, this will most certainly not be the last time we grapple with when to take a leap forward in independence, control and autonomy – which, in the end, is what any of these issues boil down to.