Guest Author - Serkan Tufan

This article is a translation from an important book by Ibrahim Hakki, a well-known Islam scholar and scientist,(1703-1780) which is called Marifetname. This part deals with advice for men as to how to treat their wives. I found it very interesting and a good lesson for all men who need guidance in terms of marital relations. Look how Islam values women and how an Islam scholars perspective of women was back in 18th century, way before the womens basic rights were accepted around in the other countries of the world.

" Oh my friend, You have to be gentle, understanding and friendly to your wife. you have to talk with her in a polite and soft way and sweetness of words. Our beloved Prophet said: The best of people is the one who is beneficial and helpful to his wife and his housemembers". when you found her sad and worried, you need to say you love her and you need to cheer her up with compassion as she might feeling depressed or hopeless at that time at home. You should be her best friend, her support in her troubles.

You should help her with the education of the children. The children will not give her a break and rest as they whine, cry, and ask for things day and night. If you help her, her Lord Allah will help you too. About the mistakes she did, you must not get angry or say rude words. Even when you have to give her silent treatment, you should cut it after one day. when you discover a bad habit of hers or a behavior you did not like about her, you should find the fault in you and say: "if I was a better person and had better behavior, she would be nicer, too".

When she gets angry, you have to be silent. When you do not respond her, she would regret and apologize to you. When she is helping, supporting and serving you, you should pray for her and you should thank and praise Allah since your wife, who is a good match for you, is a bounty by God that could never be thanked enough for.

You have to treat your wife in a way that she needs to think "my husband loves me more than anyone."

About the household and financial issues, you have to consult her and talk together. You should not bother your wife with your other big troubles and issues. You need to ignore her bad behaviors unless they are forbidden by Allah, that is, unless she is committing a sin.

You have to hide her secret faults and her private matters from everybody. You should make compliments , appropriate jokes, and create entartainment for your wife. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad would compliment, mingle and make jokes with his wife. He was the ultimate gentlemen and the most refined elegant person towards his wife. Once he had a race with his wife and his wife won, in the second time, he won.

Mild and pleasant conversations will bond you with your wife. You need to read each other about the basics and pillars of Islam, and other the necessary knowledge and sicences. You have to provide for her whatever you have for yourself in terms of clothing, food, and so on.

You should not reflect your troubles, problems, your sadness, enemies and your debts to her becuase even if she overcome these problems, these troubles will leave marks in her soul and affects her inner peace.

You should always say heartful of good prayings to her face and her behind not ever bad prayers since she is always there for you and serving you day and night. She prepares your bread, your meal, mend and wash your clothess. She is the protector and manager of your dignity, honor, your properties, and your children . She is your best friend, your only support as you are to her, she is your love as you are her love."

Erzurumlu Żbrahim Hakkż