Childhood experiences have a major influence on the adult you are today. Your likes, dislikes, healthy self-esteem, unhealthy self-esteem and even the life style you’re currently living, can be traced back to childhood. In childhood your family gave you a role. Today, believe it or not, you’re still living out that childhood family role.

Understanding the role you’ve played within the family can be a positive step toward understanding yourself as an adult.

While growing up, important authority figures expected you to perform/act in a certain way. You had a very special and defined niche within the family unit that only you could fill. You received praise and may be even love for staying within and performing that childhood role.

Over time and years of positive reinforcement, this childhood role has become a major part of who you are as an adult. You’ve carried this role into adulthood and it’s now part of your personality and identity. Your childhood role affects your adult successes, life’s mission and day-to-day happiness.

Here are some examples of childhood roles: The caregiver, the confidant, the smart one, the oldest one, the responsible one, the secret keeper, the companion, the nurturer, the dumb one, the lazy one, the nonconformist, the crazy one, the black sheep, etc.

Your role in life, even if others defined it, has become your reality. Unconsciously, it’s now part of your adult identity. How others saw you, as a child, is now a major factor in how you view yourself today. Believe it or not, the role you played within the family follows you throughout your adult life.

This “assigned” childhood role usually has nothing to do with natural gifts, talents, likes or dislikes. It was probably a “need” an adult wanted filled and you were there to fill it. For example: being responsible for younger siblings or filling-in for an emotionally absent parent.

Here’s an adult example: Let’s say your childhood role and your role today is one of caregiver. You’ve been finding yourself feeling physically tired and emotionally burned-out. You have been given an opportunity to go away for a week to a resort and spa. It means being away from everyone for a whole week. Having the money isn’t an issue, your friend won a contest and all expenses are paid. The only responsibility will be to have a good time and take care of yourself. Do you think there would be feelings of guilt? Would taking time away from the others make you feel uncomfortable? Would you feel selfish? Would you even go?

One thing about childhood roles, they leave very little time for discovering what you want out of life. It’s as if life is predestined to be played out a certain way and you’re powerless to stop it. The good news: No one can control your mind and spirit unless you give them the power!

Childhood roles are powerful things. You’re probably gravitating to people, even outside the family, who also need and want you to fill this role in their life too. This is how you stay “stuck” in a childhood role. It’s a powerful and unconscious way of living life.

Today, as an adult, success is about making peace with how others expect you to act and how you want to see your life. Success depends on giving yourself permission to discover your own role in life. Your adult successes are a reflection of the role you’re allowing yourself to perform.

Giving yourself permission to discover and define your own role is giving yourself permission to be happy, content and emotionally successful!