Guest Author - Barbara Merkord

Much can be said about polyamory, and indeed, there will be. However, I would like to focus more on the positive aspects as well as how to make a polyamorous situation work.

Polyamory is the love of more than one partner at the same time. It is often confused with “swinging” but polyamory is more about love than about sex.

There are many different factions of polyamory. Some people have primary partners that they share a home with and secondary partners that they spend time with away from their main family. Others share a home and in fact, are a family.

As you can imagine it takes a lot of work to make a polyamorous relationship work for all involved. Most oftentimes it takes rules that all partners have agreed to and abide to.
Some examples of these rules are:

1.) Don’t say “I love you” to anyone other than the primary partner.
2.) Set certain date nights for each partner.
3.) Approval from all parties regarding new partners.
4.) Set sacred time for the primary partners.
5.) Keep the details of physical affection with other partners to yourself.
6.) Share all details with your partners.
7.) Share all physical affection with each partner, at the same time.

Obviously it takes a lot of clear communication for a poly relationship to work. Jealousy happens regularly and it’s easy to get your feelings hurt, or to hurt feelings. The main thing to keep in mind is that it takes absolute honesty to make a poly relationship work. Even one instance of breaking your already-agreed-to-rules will ruin the entire foundation that you have been striving to build. Honesty and trust are the only two ways of really making a success of a polyamorous relationship.

Now that we have discussed how to make one work, let’s talk about how to begin one. There are many poly lists and matchmaking services that you can utilize in your search for a new partner. Meeting people in everyday life that share your lifestyle is not always an easy thing to do. Look for sex-positive groups that have poly nights and potlucks. Many are even child-friendly. Mostly just be honest about who you are and what you are looking for. It may take awhile to find the perfect match for your already existing relationship, but it can and will happen with patience and faith. You have to put the effort out though. Search, but be patient. Don’t just accept anyone into your family. Make sure that everyone gets along and that they like each other. With a lot of patience and faith, you too can find happiness in a polyamorous relationship.