Guest Author - Previous BellaOnline Editor
Once upon a time, I felt the same way many of you feel when you stumble upon this website – alone in my decision not to have children.
When I was in college, no one really talked about it. Even those among us in serious relationships still weren’t talking about having kids. We rented movies, ate Chinese food, and stayed up way too late playing on the internet (which in my college days was NOTHING like it is today!!)
After graduation, I started going to weddings. Soon I too was engaged. Being a bridesmaid or a wedding guest was something I could relate to. I was headed down the same path. I made countless shower and wedding favors. I immersed myself in the details only a new bride notices – the shade of pink in the floral arrangements, the wording of the vows, the details on the wedding cake.
I felt a solidarity with the brides I knew.
Then along came the first phone call announcing a pregnancy.
And our paths began to diverge.
I have written before about how my decision to remain child free evolved (see the link if you haven’t read that article). Thankfully my husband and I were on the same page. Our life goals simply didn’t include children. End of story.
But somehow it wasn’t the end of the story.
As my friends started families, I felt left out of something I didn’t even want to be a part of. It made no sense to me. I KNEW from the very core of my being that I wasn’t meant to be a mother. And yet, I felt like there was something wrong with me, that my friends were the true “adults” and that I was stuck in some kind of terminal adolescence because I didn’t want kids.
Out of desperation, I started looking for others like me on the internet. When I found Married No Kids at Bellaonline, I quickly signed up for the newsletter. I read everything that was there! I knew a handful of people who didn’t have or want kids, but this virtual community made me realize that there were lots of people out there like me.
Much to my surprise, the first newsletter I received was looking for a new MNK editor. I had written all my life and jumped at the opportunity to write for something as important as this website. I am writer, and that is how I can make my contribution to the child free community.
It hasn’t been all rewards, trust me. I get the nastiest emails from people who think I am horrible for doing what I do. I get frequent “shame on you” missives outlining the ways in which I am going to single-handedly bring down civilization as we know it. One particularly mean person wanted to know where I’d be “if my mother hadn’t wanted kids.” Have you ever heard of something so ridiculous?
My husband often wonders how I can deal with all the criticism and negativity.
There are risks to sticking your neck out and shaking up the status quo. But my decision to write for this website is reaffirmed every time I get an email from someone just like me, who until they found us here at MNK thought they were alone in their decision not to have kids.
Nothing could be further from the truth!
I am not here to convert anybody. I am here to provide support for a group of people who DO exist, even though some people wish we weren’t here and would just shut up and join the Mommy Club.
I hope that I can prevent people from blindly following the crowd and having kids because they are somehow “expected to.” I have said over and over again that no child should be born to a mother or a father who doesn’t truly want him/her. If you want to have kids, then great! Get to it! But if you don’t, then you just don’t…
It is important for all of you to understand that even though your daily lives may be filled with people who have or want children, there are lots of us out there who feel just like you do. And there is nothing wrong with that.