Guest Author - Jeanette Stingley
This is a continuation from last weeks discussion about myths of domestic violence.
Men who abuse their partner's abuse everyone around them.
Many abusers have a Jekyll-Hyde personality. My ex was so sweet, kind, and respectful to everyone around him. He was that way when he and I were present in front of others. However, as soon as we were alone, he was a different person. Many people didn't believe me at first when I started talking openly about what he was doing to me. About a year before I ended it with him, he started showing his hidden self to people. He verbally assaulted my mom several times when we were living with my parents. Finally, my father kicked him out but told me that the kids and I could stay there with them. I wished I had taken him up on that. After years of feeling line no one cared, I finally felt like I had the support I needed to get out.
Alcohol and drug abuse is present in every Domestic violence relationship.
My ex never drank alcohol or did any drugs yet he abused me. Alcohol and drugs abuse is an excuse for abuse, not a cause of domestic violence.
Once there is abuse in a relationship, it will never go away.
An abuser has to want to change and stop abuse for it to end. You cannot magically hope for him/her to stop. It will not stop; often times become worse before it gets better, without outside help of some kind. The best place for an abuser to go if he/she wants to get help is either the local police department or call a local shelter for their opinion of where the abuser can turn for help.
Abusers and their victims grew up in abusive homes
This is actually more common then people want to believe. I have heard so many times "It is just an excuse, they know what is right and wrong, they know it isn't right to hit someone, etc. etc." Oftentimes, an abuser and/or victim believe what they are doing is normal because abuse is all they know or because they do not know HOW to stop themselves. An angry person may not know how to vent their anger in a positive way instead of a destructive way.
Are there any generalized statements that you can think of or any that have been said to you?