Guest Author - Kathie LoMonaco
If you've ever been cheated on, then you know about the pain, and feeling of betrayal that grips you when you find out your 'loved' one has been seeing someone else. There is no way to describe the grief if you have not endured it yourself. Suffice it to say - you don't ever want to be the person sitting home waiting and wondering, waiting, waiting and wondering, wondering - why this, why that, why - why - why...if only...
You only know that you want the pain to go away - and never come back. And, unfortunately, the only way that can happen is if your 'significant other' has a change of heart - comes to their senses, and sees that you are really the love of his or her life.
In perhaps a more rational and sane moment, however, you might explore why you would want your cheating, lying, manipulating 'partner' back into your life. Are you a glutton for punishment? (raised to accept bad behavior); Do you think it's a one-time thing? Don't delude yourself - because chances are - big - that if you decide to take back this person that you think you cannot live without (trust me, you could and you would) - then you open yourself up to that exquisite, unrelenting, certain-to-be consistent and continual agony that goes along with trying to keep it together with a person who is not holding and does not want to hold up their end of the bargain. The bargain - that would be you. They've decided they don't want to try - so you pick up their slack and now you are holding up both ends, so to speak.
Cheating and lying go hand in hand. You can't do cheating without lying. Then there's manipulation. And, unfortunately, all we can think about at the time it's happening is - that we want our life back the way it was - and then everything will be fine. Well, apparently, you were living a lie - in that this person had other ideas, apparently for quite a while, without letting you in on it. So, I don't think you really want THAT life back. At some (hopefully quick) point we should be saying to ourselves - do we really want to live with a person who has little or no integrity, character? who only cares about themselves and what they want - or need, and doesn't give a hoot about the collateral damage it is causing.
For some quirky reason, we do not focus on the more important issue at hand - such as, who is this person that I've been living with / having a relationship with? Why would I want to allow him/her to get the opportunity to put me through this again? How many times was I lied to? made a fool of? Did he/she get a thrill out of deceiving me? Was it done to hurt me intentionally? Either way, they KNOW what they did was wrong - and for them to continue the charade, is a wakeup signal that they just don't care. They have two people on a string - and they are liking things just the way they are. The ball is in their court - the CONTROL is theirs. A rule of thumb that I have noted time and time again is - for instance, when we're talking about a man's behavior in a relationship - the way he treats his mother most often is an excellent indication of how he will value you.
Did you ever really, really know this person? Or, maybe deep down you knew he/she was not the reliable, responsible, caring person you are (a distant bell?) - and you were fooling yourself - you somehow thought you could make him or her change - grow to care and love you? Ultimately then, you set yourself up for hurt. I'm certainly not saying you deserve this crappy situation you are in - I'm saying you were not thinking with your head early on - you were caught up in the passion/lust - you were not considering that mutual respect must be in the equation for a successful 'partnership'. Your 'significant other' needs to - no, must - care what you think - and how you feel, for the relationship to flourish. If your partner is continually hurting you - - and you have discussed it with them and are finally tired of trying to get them to listen and HEAR you - and they are aware of it - then you must consider that they are hedonists or worse, psychopathic - or, worse yet, sociopathic.
I realize there are a lot of other factors to consider - children, of course, being first and foremost. Just keep in mind that children are very aware of what goes on - even if you think they aren't. A lot of bickering and general unhappiness and discontent in a home is not a good environment for children to grow up in. Counseling would be a good option, should you decide the partnership is worth saving in the long run.
To my readers - I'm polling all of you to find out if you would like more articles on this topic. My article about 'married men who cheat' was one of my most read articles to date. I want to take this opportunity to thank you for checking out my site throughout the year and enjoying my articles. Please feel free to email me with your feedback. I thrive on it - and I read every email that is sent to me and do my best to respond...
I need to also mention the untimely and tragic death of a great actor, Heath Ledger. It is shocking and devastating to lose someone who had so much to contribute to this world - and had started on that very road. Although I did not know him personally, everything I have read about him says he was a gentle, kind, thoughtful soul, who had a maturity way beyond his young years. He will be sorely missed. My heartfelt condolences go out to all his loved ones at this very sad time.
To my readers, please have a safe and healthy New Year...