Guest Author - Kathie LoMonaco
He/She starts to deviate from their usual pattern (of coming and going).
There starts to be lapses in time of you 'knowing' exactly where your partner is (or should be).
He/She starts taking a SECOND shower (for the day) shortly before going out to whatever - visit a sick friend, or whatever the excuse was for going out...
Your partner at times comes home with something unusual and maybe even a little costly (saying it was a gift from a friend or that they bought it themself) right around either their birthday or the Holidays. I once knew a woman who was dating a married man - they used to try to come up with a reason/excuse as to what he could or would tell his wife as to why and from whom he received the 'gift' - the new sweater, coat, ring, etc. Oh, what a tangled web we weave...
He/She is wearing jewelry you never saw before. Before you snicker, this happened to me once upon a time and I actually fell for a song and a dance about my significant other 'buying' costume jewelry from someone selling it on the side of the road (who just so happened to have his initials in the lot). Years later, after putting two and two together - I realized I'd been snookered - but we had called it quits by that time (so it was way too late to hit him over the head with a frying pan much as I would have liked to).
They exhibit an obvious renewal of interest in their appearance - i.e., they become very obviously concerned with their appearance (especially if it is out of the norm for them).
Your partner starts to really care about their wardrobe and what to wear, including making new purchases on clothing - kind of 'updating' their look.
You start hearing the proverbial 'working late' excuse - or, the 'visiting a sick friend' excuse - you get the drift.
Your partner initiates an argument over something ridiculous - possibly at the beginning of a holiday weekend - in order to storm out of the house (and be able to do his or her 'thing' without the guilt).
Increasingly, your partner is not in the mood for sex; (although, even if your sex life stays on track, it doesn't mean your partner is NOT cheating).
Your partner starts to become indifferent towards you. That is the real death knell of a relationship. It's as if they just don't care anymore. They don't care if they are hurting you; they don't care if you don't like their comings and goings (mostly goings); they just don't seem to care about anything within the home/family anymore at that point. A quiet tension permeates the house. The least little remark becomes en excuse for an argument. They might not even try to cover their tracks anymore or even care to offer any plausible excuses. At one time they were afraid of getting caught, but it's reached a stage way beyond that now....You can't win - or, you feel you just can't win...
When signs start 'adding up' - and you hear that distant bell - and you KNOW something is just not right - well, you know what they say - if it talks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck......guess what? It usually is a duck. And, as much as we may not want to acknowledge that things are changing - one must not ignore the signs.
Only you can decide if the relationship is worth saving. If you are not married, and there are no children - I would run, not walk, to the nearest exit. However, that is me. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. If there are children - then counselling may help. But, only if your partner agrees to give it another chance. If the love is gone - it's gone. Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow - but at that point you must think about cutting your losses and moving on with your life. The decision has already been made for you.
I welcome your comments and/or suggestions. I thrive on your feedback! Please feel free to drop me an email letting me know if you enjoyed this article and what you would like to see in future articles.