Guest Author - Kathie LoMonaco
Your 'Personal Power' is your God-given right to do as you want - as you choose to do, without anyone else intimidating you into making a choice based on their own agenda. Are you living with someone who makes you doubt your own reality? Do they use intimidation tactics to keep you 'in check'? Be honest with yourself. If your answer is yes, it's never too late to reclaim your life.
When you give up your Personal Power you are showing people that you do not feel capable of making decisions on your own; you might even have established a co-dependency pattern with a partner. Or, you quite frankly may bow to another's wishes in order to be or stay submissive as you may feel that person's need to dominate you in order for them to feel secure. In that case, you are playing a part in that other person's secret, or hidden, agenda to keep peace in the 'relationship'. I don't have to tell you that means you are involved in a very unhealthy relationship. How can it be healthy - when you ignore your own needs in order to please or keep your partner?
The longer you stay in this toxic relationship, the longer you subject yourself to subtle brainwashing. You subliminally, or otherwise, pick up on your 'controlling' partners manipulations. You act accordingly - you feel the way he wants you to feel. It's an abusive relationship, only it's emotional and mental abuse - I'm not talking about physical. When your 'significant other' or husband, or wife, does not respect your feelings, or your rights, make no mistake about it, it is abusive behavior. Their priorities are not yours - usually in this type of situation, it's all about your partner and what your partner wants. There is a term for this type of person - they suffer from 'CDR' - Control Domination Response. You just play a role in getting him (or her) what they want. Manipulation - pulling your strings in order for them to get their way, or get what they want - is not beneath them. In fact, it is a hallmark symptom of these types of 'relationships'.
As long as you believe what he/she wants you to believe - there can be peace in the house. I have seen instances where a toxic spouse is so insecure that he will actually instigate something between his wife and her Mother just to start problems with his wife's family. Don't forget these control freaks need total domination over their partner - they are even threatened by their partner's family. They do not want their partner in any other type of 'close' relationship - not even with her own family. In the toxic partner's eyes, that would mean someone else in his wife's family could possibly influence her - and have her trust - and he would see that as them 'gaining control' - which, of course, would impact his comfort level. His insecurity 'meter' would skyrocket and he would feel 'out of control' which would be the worst case scenario for this, or any, manipulator.
It's as if he is in the relationship, and you are along for 'his' ride. He/she will tell you what they WANT you to BELIEVE - but it's not necessarily the truth. If you've been with this partner for any length of time, you want to believe them - you, unfortunately, would tend to believe them. After all, why would they lie? I will tell you why. They need to control their environment -that means controlling YOU, Numero Uno.
They pull your strings and you don't even notice it. Maybe you are intuitive and actually do know what is going on - but you do not want to acknowledge the elephant in the room. That might upset your apple cart - but do you really want to live with someone who needs to dominate and control you? Is that the kind of life you want? ...being smothered by someone who does not have your best interests at heart? Do not let someone else run your life! You only get to live your life once - take charge and live for yourself, and refuse to be a pawn in someone else's life. What will you do when someday you stumble onto the fact that you've been lied to - for years? that you have been made to live a lie, thanks to this 'significant other'?
I have seen more than my share of man-boys out there - or as I call them, 'Peter Pan' men. These are men, and I use the term loosely, who never grew up emotionally - their mothers pampered them and coddled them - even well into adulthood. Some of them don't leave their parents' house until their thirties or forties, if at all. They never matured. They never had any incentive to grow up and take charge - everything was always given to them. That is no way to form character in a child/teenager. That is the crux of the problem -- they were never left to their own devices to problem-solve - therefore, no character, no integrity in these man-boys. They become the 'con artists' of the world. Some are still babied by their mothers even as man-boys. Mother is still in Control. Pathetic scenario, isn't it?
I hope some of you out there heed this wake-up call - it's never too late to change your life - and be happy. Don't sell yourself short. You deserve a 'significant other' or partner who respects your feelings and your needs - and wants to see you happy. You have that right. If they don't - run, don't walk, to the nearest exit. They will find another victim very quickly - they are very adept at that. Psychopaths are people who know the difference between right and wrong - but, because they are selfish and self-serving they will do whatever they need to do to obtain whatever it is they want - even if it means doing the 'wrong' thing in order to get it.
Remember, Knowledge IS Power. I can hear Sade in my head right now singing 'Smooth Operator'.....