Guest Author - Previous BellaOnline Editor

Having reached the age of 45 the decision not to have children was now becoming less of a choice and more of a biological fact. Married for 10 years Janice and her husband Peter had made a conscious decision they did not want children. Peter had never felt the need to produce heirs and the maternal instinct in Janice has just never become part of her emotional process. They had enjoyed the freedom being with out children had given them. Now their marriage was going through a difficult time and for the first time both were questioning their decisions. Peter had undertaken a vasectomy sometime before he had met Janice. She had welcomed the need not too have to worry about birth control.

Both of them now felt surprised they were questioning their decision. They had both consciously and independently thought out in their own minds how they felt about becoming parents before they had met. It had been a major part of their attraction to each other. Janice had never felt easy around children finding the whole concept of rearing a child difficult to imagine. As a child she had never played with dolls or pretended to be mum in the kitchen. She would rather potter in the garden or take the dog for a walk. Peter for his part felt he was the perfect Uncle. On hand for laughs and playing with his nieces but leaving the hard work of child rearing to his siblings.

Sitting down one evening both of them knew that some serious talking was about to take place and for the first time Janice felt uneasy. Wondering if the marriage would work through anyway was hard enough to cope with, but the thought that Peter may say he was changing his mind about children filled her with dread. He could start over and become a dad, for her that option was being taken out of her hands.

Talking long into the night they both recognized that the decision to withhold from children was one of the more solid aspects of their relationship. They had nurtured each other in ways that was unique to them. They had built a life together which, although now felt unstable had a foundation of strong beliefs which had held them together. The decision not to have children had no bearing on their present difficulties. Both came out of that evening knowing that being childless was not one of their problems but gave them strength to build once again on their foundations.