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My niece is busy arranging her wedding this year. A happy event which the whole family is becoming ever increasingly excited as the day draws nearer.

We are a relatively small family however with her future husband's family plus their friends the numbers are swelling.
The wedding has also sparked a debate within the family- to invite children or not. The marriage itself is in a beautiful church and the wedding breakfast will begin in the afternoon with family and close friends with a much larger gathering is to take place in the evening.

My niece feels that as the day belongs to her and her to be husband. She feels as a couple they should be able to have a say who comes along to what is in essence their day . In truth she is ambivalent about the presence of children. However 'husband to be 'does not want children at the church service or for that matter at the afternoon reception.
Wow....... has this part of their wedding caused conflict!
I've got no problems with what ever decision they ultimately make. However other family members are really up in arms.

The arguments run like this.
Children are part of our lives and should be part of the traditions of the family. Children are little people who want to share the celebrations of the bigger people. Parents are saying that finding baby sitters can be difficult, but that is not the point anyway, they want their children to be part of celebration. Parents are saying we are a family which includes our children. They are looking forward to dressing them up in fancy dresses or suits and want the day to be a public celebration of two people who are loved. They argue children should share in the celebrations come what may.

The arguments husband to be gives its that on the whole, the children he knows will wail, scream spit and kick their way through the service and then run riot thought the wedding reception. He believes parents are totally blind to their own child's misbehavior and he does not want what is in his eyes an expensive day to be ruined by unruly children. There are parts of the service and reception which will be on video he does not want their misbehavior memorialized and the vows not heard above the wailing babies. Simply he does not want the day to be taken over by the little one's.

The couple themselves do not have children and there are going to be no bridesmaids or pageboys.
Both of them agree that it is either all or nothing there will be no exceptions to what ever decision they make.

There are dark mutterings of people not attending the service if their children are not allowed to attend.
I think that would be a real shame. My niece has waited a long time for her wedding and my gut instincts say she and her partner should be able to make free choices about their day.

I think a really good compromise would be a child free day and a family evening. Maybe a crèche could be provided for those who want to attend but find it difficult to find baby sitters. I also disagree with the argument children would spoil the day, on the whole parents are pretty responsible and if the couple were to voice their concerns parents would listen and understand.
'Husband to be' may be focusing on this part of the wedding planning to give him some control over proceedings. He may feel the day has to be perfect ... who knows?

What ever decision is made I wish the couple well. The day will be a celebration of their union and I for one will raise a toast to that.