The Update (Buying a new machine)

The Update

I thought I’d buy a new machine, the sort that does the lot,

So went down to the local shop to see what they had got.

I’d like a really modern one with those controls you press

So I could do heirloom sewing or embroider on a dress.

I took home several brochures, the sort that make you drool,

And they make it look so easy, but of course, I am no fool.

My choice was narrowed down to two, I worried through the night.

The John just said, “It’s easy Love, the brochure on the right.”

They sat me down and taught me the “hows” that make it sew

I just can’t wait to get it home, I long to have a go.

I have a thick instructions book and video as well,

I wonder dare I touch it. Yes! Here hoes! What the hell!

Hooray! I’ve got it sewing straight. I touch zig-zag to try,

One of heaps of other stitches that tantalise my eye.

So now I’ll test its memory, I read up what to do.

I programme fourteen stitches, but it only stitches two.

Oh Hell! This is frustrating, Why won’t it do it right?

I scrabble through the ruddy book (and I thought I was bright)

It’s like the genie in the lamp for as the weeks go past,

I make it do the things I want, it’s repertoire is vast.

You can do it on a T.Shirt, a shirt or evening gown

You can do it in a mirror, you can do it upside down.

Though I can choose twelve button-holes, can’t sew a quilter’s seam

And sewing tapered satin stitch is nothing but a dream.

Can’t take it to a quilting class (to skite would be some fun)

I have to take the old machine, the new one weighs a ton.

I’m glad I kept old faithful for with him I learned a lot

There’s lots of things that he can do, the newer one cannot.

I said as much to John tonight, these thoughts that fill my head.

I’ve a soft spot forold faithfull, He winked, Let’s go to bed.

By Jenny Riley