Guest Author - Tracy Hamilton
Do you love dating and meeting new people? Is it the thrill of the chase that excites you or the possibility of creating a relationship with someone?
It is common for some people to love the chase and the excitement of new relationships but not want the emotional commitment that comes with a relationship. Dating can be a time of great happiness and anticipation of what is to come.
We can feel full of energy, excited, obsessed, and lose all sense of self control when we meet someone we are attracted to. We act different to make a good impression, and we make an effort for them. We want to feel accepted so we act in ways that are not always our usual way of being.
It is then easy to get caught up in our imagination, and create a perfect image of them in our mind of how we think this person is. We are blinded to their faults and see only the qualities we want to see. We also put our-self forward as someone that is not really who we are at our core. It can feel like more of a game in the beginning, with both on their best behaviour.
I hear all the time from friends and clients how amazing their new man is, and how they are so perfect for them. Only to hear a few months later the reality of their ‘perfect man’.
Feelings of disappointment and of being let down and mislead can take the shine off pretty quickly, once we see the ‘real’ person behind the mask they’ve been wearing.
This can leave some feeling let down and wanting the excitement back. Making it preferable to live in the imagination. No-one can come close to the perfect image we create in our head, making it challenging for anyone to come out unscathed.
Although everyone in the world seems desperate to find their soul mate or perfect match, somewhere inside it is as if there is a fear of settling and committing to one person. This can stop us from creating strong bonds with anyone and instead keep us chasing the original feelings of lust, and new potential.
The problems can arise when we become addicted to this pattern and continually live looking for the chemical rush that new relationships can bring. It keeps us always on the look out for the next person who comes along that may be a potential mate, and we may miss out on who is in front of us.
When dating and meeting someone new we are prone to projecting onto them the qualities we want them to possess. We see them through rose tinted glasses. Our thoughts can become unclear as we see only the good things in them and not the reality of them.
This phase is addictive because oxytocin is released in the brain which causes a chemical reaction within us that makes us feel good, and helps us to bond with our partner. After the initial flush of dating and getting to know each other, the oxytocin rush can start to fade leaving many wanting the excitement they once had; which can sometimes lead people to seeking out affairs.
When dating try to be realistic about what it is you want; a relationship or the excitement and rush of initially meeting someone new. Once you are clear, you can approach dating with that in mind and not feel let down or upset.