Guest Author - Heidi Martinuzzi

Release date- Sept 11th, 2007
Directed by: Hayley Cloak
Starring: Austin Nichols, Izabella Miko, and Beth Grant.

The House of Usher, directed by Hayley Cloake, is a truly miserable example of what it means to take a good mystery story by Edgar Allan Poe and rip it to dumb, boring, and often unbearably long, pieces.

The original story, written in 1839, tells the romantically gothic tale of a line of aristocrats called The Ushers who inhabit a lonely manor house. So far, the story is the same. Maddie and Rick live in a sprawling (only on the outside) mansion somewhere secluded in the United States, obviously terribly wealthy. Jill, their friend from college, is surprised to receive a phone call late one night from Brett, who is also her ex boyfriend, telling her that Maddie is dead, and to please come visit for the funeral. This is painful for Jill on two levels; she hasn’t seen Rick since he and Maddie mysteriously fled college, and now that Maddie is dead, she’ll never see her again. Rick explains that they had to leave because of a terrible illness that strikes down all the Ushers, and that Maddie had become far too ill to stay in school. Satisfied with that answer, Jill agrees not only to come to the funeral, but to stay on for several agonizing weeks as she watches Rick have mood swings, feel sick, and declare his undying love for her. Oh yeah – Rick also hangs around in his sensory deprivation chamber, which “reenergizes” him. OH yeah… they also have lots of unprotected sex.

As the weeks wear on, poor bored Jill soon finds she is pregnant with Rick’s child. She is also seeing Maddie, dressed in a white gown and covered in blood, walking around everywhere at all hours of the night. Is she crazy? Nope. You guessed it: Maddie’s not dead. And on top of that, there are huge problems with this Usher family. They are definitely not the kind of people Jill wants to be mixed up with. Yet, of course, by that time, it is too late and Jill is trapped and everything is horrible…

Does it sound like I didn’t like this film? I didn’t. The writing is dull, it drags on forever, and the evil maid played by Beth Grant is a vision straight out of Rebecca’s Mrs. Danvers. Jill and Rick are supposed to have some kind of intense relationship, but it never feels that way. It’s edited poorly, and it is excruciating. I can’t think of any reason to rent this film unless you are obsessed with Poe’s stories, or you are insane like me and do this for a living.